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The Beautiful Letdown.

You advanced your heart against my chest, and my forces
equalized with yours like magnets, so I had no choice
but to deny your beauty and swallow my own self regret and pride;
because all I think about is [you].

         i. I was already in a faint disfiguration when you delivered kindness
            in cologne scented envelopes, closed shut with caramel flavored saliva
            and decorated with lyrical context in which only we could decode,
            you always had that creative juice soaking inside of your blood;
         ii. but you always distracted me from recollecting my thoughts and
            flicking the lightswitch to dilute the formalities where loving you
            became a chore, instead of a leisure activity,
            & I wasn't sure when enough would finally be enough;
         iii. to forgive is to forget, and to forget is to forgive.
            I could've crept under your floorboards and left rose pedals on your
            mattress to conceal my final goodbye, but I waited around until you
            showed up with smoke in your breath and a bottle of whiskey dangling
            in your broken hand; so believe me when I say this; darling,
            [I can't take care of you anymore],

I advanced my heart against your ribcage, and your forces
towered over mine with a negative charge, so we had no choice
but to deny the undeniable and swallow our own self pity;
otherwise,
all I'd think about is [you].♥


Author notes

The Beautiful Letdown – Switchfoot
dunno where this came from. haha
hope its ohkay♥

YoureNoGoodForMe

A contest entry

feedback would be greatly appreciated :D

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    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
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Comments

1 - 15 of 15

  • broken-colours
    January 7

    Edit | Reply
    " i. I was already in a faint disfiguration when you delivered kindness
    in cologne scented envelopes, closed shut with caramel flavored saliva
    and decorated with lyrical context in which only we could decode,
    you always had that creative juice soaking inside of your blood;"

    How do you do this?
    Every time, every poem, I have different feelings... sometimes it's as though I'm experiencing it myself, whether I have before or not in my life. It's insane.

    Oh, and I love your vocabulary. You're always finding a new way to describe life. You're never dull. :]


  • voodoo ink Greeters member
    December 19, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Wow you won a gold and a bronze for this...excellent writing...


  • Mariana gold member
    December 17, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    'i. I was already in a faint disfiguration when you delivered kindness
      in cologne scented envelopes, closed shut with caramel flavored saliva
    and decorated with lyrical context in which only we could decode,
    you always had that creative juice soaking inside of your blood;'

    I love this! Congrats on the two well deserved trophies.

    Mariana


  • motel silver member
    December 17, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    the sense of regret of how things came about ... it really permeates the write. the middle stanzas have wonderful imagery ... also the structure is effective, reasons as to why the relationship lasted and the same reasons caused it to fall apart.
    congrats on the trophies.


  • roninwort
    December 17, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Congrats on your 2 trophies. This is a very deep and amazingly strong piece of literature. Great job.

    Ronin


  • Jeremy0826 silver member
    December 17, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This is so deep and brilliant! I really enjoyed reading this and I congratulate you on your two trophies for this. Well done and thanks a lot for
    sharing it with us all! Keep up the wonderful work here!




    Jeremy0826


  • Re-invention silver member
    December 7, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    wow amazing hun! this is beautiful somehow it reminded me of my stupid father... anyways nicely done! congrats on the trophies! a


  • Lagrimas
    December 7, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    To know when to leave

    Well done, I enjoy the strenght this write displays. Some don't know when it's for the best, others choose to not listen. Again well done and good luck.


  • Sandra R Reynolds gold member
    November 29, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Great write with such depth.


  • Rhythm Child
    November 22, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    this was beautifull, it was worded so well and i really loved the picture, i think it went with the poem well
    a great write


  • lowercase prelude gold member
    November 18, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    An outstanding piece
    Very strong emotions and the format is unique, yet well done

    Congrats on the gold - it deserved it


  • Catie Sheeran gold member
    November 17, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I have to say, i am intrigued by this. very beautiful yet sad. and your form is much different than what i usually see and i kinda like it a lot. this is better than ok. i really enjoyed it...a breath of fresh air. and a different kind of talent. don't ever change! ~


  • Darkwell
    November 17, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    this is just amazing im speechless the storyline flows and the reasoning behind the actions are so clear and so sophisticated WOW

    I was already in a faint disfiguration when you delivered kindness in cologne scented envelopes, closed shut with caramel flavored saliva and decorated with lyrical context in which only we could decode

    i could taste and smell and see this like it was in front of me and thats big talent, just awesome! A+


  • LittleDecoy
    November 16, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    this was more than okay.
    it was breathtaking.
    you have an amazing way with words that can't even be described in itself.

    "flicking the lightswitch to dilute the formalities where loving you
    became a chore, instead of a leisure activity"

    those were my favorite two lines in the poem, i just feel like they held such truth from most relationships.
    like the person below me, i love the repition of the first & last stanzas and the interchanging words.
    i thought this was beautifully written.
    awesome job. =) i love reading your stuff


  • catalyst.
    November 16, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I loved the ending. How it repeated the words at the beginning but they had so much more meaning at the end. Because the beautiful imagery described the words. I really loved that

1 - 15 of 15