Headlights in the distance
danced upon this neon scene.
An angel dressed in righteous
flames chased that devil so mean.
Chased him through the bars
and "no-tell-motels" on the strip.
Tried to wrestle that demon with
an angry angel's furious grip.
Chased him to the suburbs
where business men lived to stray.
Chased him through the dark night
and into the harsh light of day.
Been chasing that devil for years,
and hasn't come close to snaring
him in the Angel's evangelistic net. . .
listen, you can hear that devil swearing.
Author notes
The picture unfolded in my mind and inspiration came from whatever gods
give poets words.
In a list
Please tell me what you think
Comments
-
One thing that bugs me is when people take a line, especially the first line from their poems and uses it as their title. To me it just shows a lack of imagination, cos I think a great title can set a poem alight. Show me the imagination that is evident throughout the rest of the poem"
I would move flames next to righteous
chased that devil so mean - I think that could be worded a little differently.
The second stanza doesn't flow very well, I think because of syllable counts for each line...try and keep them more consistent.
lived - I think you mean liked?
dark night/harsh light - I really like that, I'm always a fan of subtle rhyme and semi-rhyme.
him in the Angel's evangelistic net - really doesn't flow, far too many syllables.
The ending wasn't that strong, I think you could give it more impact.
I like the idea you got for this, it's different and not one I was expecting which is cool. A bit of work and I think this could read a lot smoother.
Thanks for entering :
Adding your comment:
