Neon nights
white satin sensations
sliding on sheer sheets,
silence shredded
as colors collapse
in bursts of brilliance,
while the kaleidoscopic hues
fill the hollows of emptiness.
Fantasies fulfilled
only in visions,
feed on fires that flicker
in imagination’s illusions.
Feelings fly
on clouds of confusion
that drift dangerously
into tilting landscapes,
as the tears of the lost
blend with the rain
that resides in reality.
Author notes
picture credited to contest judge
2nd write - lst one was better, but lost electric, and lost write..
...
The picture: reminds me of a neon-lit area, maybe like Las Vegas. I get an 'image' of car on wet-slick road, or maybe a lonely young person crying - but rain or tears. Speeding, or not paying attention, car tilts. and then - I guess my mind just 'tilted' to get this....lolol
still editing...
A contest entry
- flicker by Death of the Author.
1000 points, ended December 11, 2008, 20 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 15 of 15
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Wow...I really like this one!
while the kaleidoscopic hues
fill the hollows of emptiness.
Love the line!
Write on!
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Thank you islekine - glad you enjoyed these quick thoughts.
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Great work here
I so love the depth with which this poem takes the readers thoughts I say Bravo
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Thank you so much 'stories' - glad you enjoyed this
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This this really is a good description of somewhere like Vegas!!
Well from what I know... I plan on finding out next year 
Excellent write with awesome alliteration !
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Thank you kiwi - glad you enjoyed.
I don't know anything about Vegas - other than you can find Elvis impersonators to marry you or something.....lolol....oh - and people lose money there!! heehee
I was trying to go for a feeling of 'tilting', but maybe I tilted too much...LOL
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I love your thoughts here Sis...I stopped and thought deeply...and I agree. Lovely write for this pic. You are amazing!
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Thank you Az - glad you liked this.
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Seems from your comments section you had your own personal "neon night"! This write is great, wish I could have seen the original, if you believe it was better! Lots of movement here. Best to you in the contest!
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Thanks Neon - glad you liked this. I'm stick 'tinkering' with it.
Word Doc didn't save the one I was working on - the electric went off and on so fast in the beginning, my computer didn't even have time in between to re-boot!
Snow and high winds - can't fight 'mother nature'...lol
*rose8
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I hate when you write something and then *poof* it's gone. I tend to write out in Word first so if power goes it usually has it backed up
Still this is pretty good.
I like the alliteration, but I think in some places it was a little overdone;
"sliding on sheer sheets
shredded"
- I would either remove sheer as I don't think it adds to that image, or change shredded to something else as it sort of feels like it's just there for the sake of being alliterative.
I think you could cut out some uneccesary wordage...like
"that burst in brilliance
as the kaleidoscopic hues
fill the hollows"
could be
"that burst in
kaleidoscopic brilliance;
hues filling the hollows"
lonely soul is a little bit cliched compared to the rest of your wonderful imagery. I love the word kaleidoscopic by the way, so kudos.
drift down - personally I'd remove down
tilting landscapes - nice
I really like the ending.
Thank you for your explanation in the author's note, it was very insightful.
Enjoyed this a lot, thanks for entering
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Thank you 'Death of the Author' for such a constructive critique. I appreciate it.
Lost the lst write on this, was hurrying between the wind gusts....lolol....I will work with this further.
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I fear that's going to happen to the world one day! We rely on technology so much, one day it's gonna turn around and go "screw you" and give us a big V sign. Lol.
I never write poems down on paper anymore o.O The good old way lol
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Wow this is great I love this and if the first one was better gees cant improve on perfection great write good luck in the contest be well.
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Thanks Starz - glad you liked!
my first write, I thought, was really good - dammnnnnn electric!
oh well......
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