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I Stand Upon

The cliff i stand upon, the place
where my beloved died on.
the tragedy left me in a state of shock,
the feeling turned me into someone i'm not.
every time i stand upon the lighthouse,
looking down, seeing the people like a street mouse,
no one down there can describe what i feel,
the memory of her that night seemed so real.
The sea crashed against the rocks like a bomb,
it may as well of been, my love is now gone...
i stand upon the edge of this death bed,
my melancholy self know you cannot resurrect the dead,
the howling of the wind made my surroundings come alive,
the smell of a rotting flesh aroma came to pass,
i stand upon the place where she stood her last,
as her eyes met mine, and mine hers, there were the last words,
'goodbye, its now my time, this is the final line, i'm sorry i gave up mine,'
she fell to her death, and ever since, this place reminded me of her,
i stand upon where her only spirit remains,
and maybe, just maybe I'll see her again.


A contest entry

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Comments


  • Ryno
    November 25, 2008

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    This is very cliche. The metaphor is not strong enough to turn it away from being cliche. We had one quick description of a lighthouse and of a sinking ship and then it was all something else, you didn't stick to the metaphor and, honestly, I have read so many pieces that sound just like that second half.

    There is just not enough imagery, and that is what I am looking for in this contest.

    Thank-you for your entry.