Cocooned, I am but twisted in my stead,
a corset pinched and lashes made to stare.
Curves long departed, filled with girth instead
while ribbons pulled too tight enhance my hair.
For regal life, they tell me I was bred
and yet my eyes well with a pauper's care
while I undress the inner side of self
and heart recalls my gilded birthing shelf.
My fingers touch the roundness of my womb
and hands begin to wring tight to my breast.
What right have I an innocent to groom
or ever grow a child into his best?
How dare I think that I, laced in perfume,
could guide a life upon a lifelong quest?
And still I feel the warmth that grows within
reminding me, the treason of such sin.
With racing thoughts and urge to run afar;
my child could then be offered what is free-
a life that kindles more than the bizarre
of kingly wealth and fits of tyranny.
Dare I escape - the door standing ajar -
with scurried run allowing me to flee?
Or dare I stay for this king's newer start
to rear with what I know lives in my heart?
Author notes
For this round your prompt is the above picture, a self portrait by San Francisco born artist Madeline von Foerster entitled Metamorphosis #6.
Pamela A Lamppa
In a list
A contest entry
- November Rounds #2 by CitrineSunrise.
700 points, ended December 11, 2008, 20 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 29 of 29
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Sublime...
an inspiring composition... this is an Olympian banquet with guest from Helicon under the smiles of Phoebus.
I was told that “Ottava Rima” was mainly used in epic verses, and that the longest and greatest work in “Ottava Rima” was “0S LUSIADAS” – with one thousand and ninety-six stanzas written by Luís Vaz de Camões – known in English as “CAMOENS”. (c. 1524–June 10,1580)
I have enjoyed the reading of this magnificent "Unraveled Revelations", a poem that enriches the American Fine Letters, and places a flawless alexandrite on the Mace of Apollo.
Thank You milady Poet for this jewel named "Unraveled Revelations"
In respect and admiration,
Andre Emmanuel Bendavi ben-YEHU
P.S.: A gem quality alexandrite is very rare, and is some of the most expensive in the world.
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I thank you kindly for such a wonderful review. Thank you so much. And I never knew that bit of history behind Ottava Rima so I thank you again for sharing it here. Your support is truly truly appreciated. Thank you. ~Pamela 
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I love the story you have created here. It fits the picture prompt so well. Your writing is so smooth and natural that on the first read I didn't realize that you were writing a form with rhyme! That is good writing!
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Thank you kindly. I appreciate your kind words and praise on this poem. Thank you. ~Pamela
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Congrats on winning bronze!
Your use of rhyme feels very natural, which is not an easy feat (it is way too easily to fall into the trap of forcing rhymes, or making them clumsy which just distracts the reader), and the concept of this poem was very interesting. The speaker's ambivalence is ever present, and from the motif of corsets and other 'tight' imagery, I can easily see how trapped the speaker feels in her situation.
A compelling, thought-provoking poem.
Great job!
-CJ
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-CJ
Thank you so much for your kind words on this piece. I am so pleased you enjoyed this and appreciate your thoughts so much. Thank you. ~Pamela
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Pamela, superbly done, as usual. You makes these forms just glide in our reading. I love the theme here, the so relate-able self-questioning that is represented in her thoughts. I love the choice you leave at the end, but because the latter brings the reader back to the truth that each of us have merits in our heart, we leave feeling this particular lady will make the second choice...the right choice. Beautifully done, and congratulations!
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Ten
Thank you so much. You are kind with your words and comments. Much Much appreciated. I am pleased you enjoyed this one.
~Pamela
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What a magical story you weave from this picture. The uncertainty this character faces about impending childbirth has universal appeal. What expectant mother does not question her ability to "ever grow a child into his best"? I think the substitution of a synonym for "groom" in the final line would have been preferable to repeating it from L.12. A beautifully constructed ottava rima that flows with a medieval flavor in keeping with the contest prompt. Thank you for your entry. Peace, Liz
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Liz
Thank you so much for the honor of bronze in your contest. Looking forward to the next round. ~Pamela
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I never even saw it. Let me see what I can do with groom. I always like to write Ottava Rima for you Liz. Thank you so much for your kind thoughts and words. Always appreciate your wonderful reviews. ~Pamela
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Excellent
I like the way this rhymes and think you did picture justice. I I feel emotions coming through in this poem. All the best in the contest, Michele
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Michele
Thank you so much for stopping to read and for leaving your impressions. I am so pleased you enjoyed this. Thank you. ~Pamela
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"Unraveled Revelations" matches the image quite well. And the artful talent of a poetess shines in expressing the fearfulness of short comings in motherhood.Not to mention the sacrifice of abandoning ones freedom of self for the sake of molding another human being with care.
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suseann
Thank you. True, we do abandon our personal freedoms for the sake of parenthood, but oh the rewards we reap are far greater than said loss, and that freedom returns to us all too soon. They are little for such a short time and if we don't pay attention, we'll miss is. Thank you for your kind words and wonderful observations. Much appreciated. ~Pamela
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Hi, it fits the prompt as if the painting was found for the poem, loved it, kind regards Di
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Di
Thank you so much. I am pleased you enjoyed this one. ~Pamela
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Its wonderfully written expressed so well through your imagery.The rhyme and flow is exellent.
Splendidily done indeed sweet soul.
Best of wishes to you alway's.
Tony
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Tony
Thank you so much my loyal friend. So pleased you enjoyed this one. ~Pamela
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A brilliant piece, an amazing story here, poignant and full of depth. Excellent.
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Kiran
Thank you so much for your kind words. I am so pleased you enjoyed this one. ~Pamela
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I like this form poetry and as always you have done it well weaving with it all the emotions and tensions..good luck.
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Meena
Thank you so much. So pleased to receive this wonderful comment from you. ~Pamela
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What to do when our life is no longer solely our own;
when we are forced to look at the position we have acquired and question its validity, its integrity, its restrictions - its values.
very well done
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Ken
Thank you so much for seeing this one. I am so pleased for your comment here. Thank you. ~Pamela
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self doubt, appraisal, assessment...but every thought seems poured n from the outside, or as if we were doing the honors for others... very nice meter, wonderful rhyme in a such difficult form... so very well done...PK
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PK
Thank you so much for your kind words on this piece. I am so pleased for your comment and so glad you enjoyed this one. Thank you. ~Pamela
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Just wonderfully done Pam
The thought line rhyme and rhythm are great.
The form is also special.
Jim
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Thank you so much my friend. I am so pleased you enjoyed this one. It is always a pleasure when you stop by to read my work. Thank you! ~Pamela
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