what it meant
who would've known
lights go down
a world of
colors
s.p.o.t.s
s
t
r
o
b
e
s
[it was only fun and games]
spin it my way
and again
repeat and return
and hit it hard
thought it couldn't be you
no, no, no
was a flicker of a thought
and then winged away
while the "fun and games"
were real
you couldn't stop
and then what?
a staircase straight to hell
but you couldn't see it
still seemed too good to be true
until you fell
fell through,
hit it hard indeed
right in the face
when you couldn't pay for all you were doing
still that flicker of a thought,
a moment
but this time, you flew with it
A contest entry
- flicker by Death of the Author.
1000 points, ended December 11, 2008, 20 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Anything that can help me make it better..
Comments
-
I like how you've done this - especially the scattering of the letters part-way down - like dice being thrown....lol. Like your wording, especially,
'was a flicker of a thought
and then winged away
while the "fun and games"
were real'
nice job!
best wishes in the contest.
-
I think this could do with a little more meat to it, you've not really said a lot so far. I get the impression of a nightclub but not much more than that.
"and again
again" - seems kind of pointless
"lights go down a world of" was cool, "colors, spots, strobes" was OK and "a flicker of a thought and then winged away" was good.
and then what indeed...
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