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Ocean eyes

 

 

Share your scented whispers

share your secrets like we used to,

take my hand, please, one last dance,

still can’t believe we’re really through. 

 

      All the stars we touched,

      veiled in murmured sighs,

      need to kiss your lips, and

      look into your ocean eyes.

 

I’m drifting through the space of you,

you left a place I’ll never fill,

I pray I’ll hear your words again,

'I love you, and I always will'.

 

I sit and watch the stars alone,

my minds a whirl since you’ve been gone,

a shattered man with empty dreams,

don’t leave me here, the lonely one.

 

Maybe,  I let you walk away,

a fool who lived in all your lies,

but I still need you in my life,

to fall into your ocean eyes.

 

 

 

Author notes

Contest - words I'll never hear (again)

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Comments

1 - 19 of 19

  • Poetryintheblood gold member
    November 17, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Thank you for your most heartfelt and beautifully expressed entry Josie


  • lovlyme
    November 17, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    that makes me think of someone i miss but its a good thing
    its really goo


  • moon2u
    November 17, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    beautiful work

    I wanted to wish you good luck in the contest


  • MermaidSinging68
    November 17, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    really nice

    love this...reminds of someone I used to know. very heartfelt and very pretty.


  • parenchma
    November 16, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Very stoic and dignified treatment of a dreadful place to be...


  • Whispers of Hope
    November 16, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    This is so beautiful the flow is so perfect and the rythem this is a very nice write!


  • starrynight3636
    November 16, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I love the title, and the imagery behind it. It is very soft and lyrical, I think it might make a good song as well.

  • Yvette Champ gold member
    November 16, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Sentimental and soulful lost-love song...yes how tempting is the fire of desire fuelled by the need of just one more dance inside his ocean eyes...I relate to the need to swim within them..love to hear this sung by Cyndi Lauper in her earthy soul searching unique voice...


  • JustsimplyKatiee.
    November 16, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Awe. This is beautiful! Fantastic job with this piece!
    ..." All the stars we touched,

    veiled in murmured sighs,

    need to kiss your lips, and

    look into your ocean eyes..."
    That part is truely beautiful! Wow. Very heartwarming!
    I can't wait to read more! Wow... I truely am speachless, if yew couldn't tell. Wow. Great job! [:
    x[[♥]]x
    and ♥
    Katiee.

  • michaeline
    November 16, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Maybe you will not hear them again ahhh....but yu will never forget them.Good job in getting the reader to relate to you.You were clear and easy to understand and the flow to this semed o just go as if having no trouble at all.I like it.


  • Clovis...Curious silver member
    November 16, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Superb plus

    A very fine write, indeed. Imagery, rhythm and rhyme are just fine. Thanks for sharing this one with us.


  • XxAbby-Jay-CrunkxX
    November 16, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Fantastic

    oh wow this poem is so emotional, its amazing the detail you put into it. i love the title ocean eyes, its like the person you are talking about has eyes so deep like the sea, and suggesting that he/she personlity might have been un controlled yet beautiful like the sea wow loved it


  • Cannonsfire gold member
    November 16, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Such soft and sad words here and the gentle rhyme is lovely. Nice work. C


  • Lily of The Valleys
    November 16, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Scented whispers... Very seductive. This whole poems seems very private, but that's the best part of your relationship/affair.

    Best regards,
    Holly

    Comments are returned


  • Arrianna MacEwan
    November 16, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This would make a beautiful song. Its very interesting and the first lines grab the attention of the reader, probing the reader to read on.


    • sarajaneUK
      November 16, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you for reading and commenting, much appreciated. I had it in my mind as a song, all I need now is some music!! sh


  • NevaehLenore
    November 16, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    The power of sorrow to make a love poem sweeter is often under-estimated, but you've displayed that skill very well here. The emotion in this is pure and heart-breaking. Wonderful writing!!

  • Bad Bill
    November 16, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    A beautiful and moving love poem. I thoroughly enjoyed reading this excellent piece. Best of luck.

    Bill


  • the ripple
    November 16, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Great write and good luck in the contest.

1 - 19 of 19