What Is It??

The pounding of the drums with their deafing blast
Not a soul here or there tries to understand
The wolf is at my doors and let them in
They tear down the walls and shield the darkness with their light
But even they know when to lead and when to follow
A path unknown and not to be believed
The secret strings that attach me to eternity
I can not lie I seek out the awnsers
Forever in the dream, I am flying over my fears
I regress and bleed in living day
I am broken but I refuse to decay
Hold me if you like or if you think you can
Dare I even say to love me
I doubt any who try
I am a lone wolf that I know now
I am human in body alone
My heart pulls to the mountains sacred at home
I sing to the moon for she takes my pain
I run with the pack wolves of white
Hawkeye at my side nothing can harm
Kenji in all her wisdom to teach along
Raven she is my friend, the pain we share
Rome my secret dispair and keeper of light
Wolves of one are we though five at bay
There is no differance from they to I
Nor I to they
I seek the resolution the path of fear
Am I to be mated or am I to wander
How can it be so our souls connected through doors and powers neither can understand
Why do I feel so guilty when I crush and go back to past loves
Why do I feel pain when I do not know she is okay
Why would I give up everything to go to her side
Am I nuts to want to leave
To go to her without even knowing
To take a chance and jump the cliff without rope or net
No, I'm to weak
And I fear to bring her down in the vampire's lair that is my hidden secrets of blood and relations
Not even I can break through of their suffocating claws
Like fleas on a stray dog with no relief
I'm walking down a icey grave and I can not find the fire
I am drowning in my own memories
Pulling hair by hair just to feel the pain and smell the blood of my body
I even taste it in it's tainted lavish of hidden powers of it's own
Blood
What is it but the invisible strings that tie us to one another
I can not believe that they care for me
My family of blood they who shut me away and beaten me down without even touching
Stalked me all my life so that I fear what holds behind me
That I can not know the truth of what healthy is as I sence another danger coming
I regress and long for more pain and hold into myself where my wolves tend to me stronger together we are
My friends look up to me
I seek to take their pain
I seek to aid and keep them strong
For if I can suffer for them so they don't have to
That is my grandest disire
But even so I can not help them all
Though I will still try for a wolf will do anything for her pack
But there is one who stands out amongst the others shielding in light and beauty I can not deny
Her soul a purple gleem of grace and truth my wolves urge me forward
But I hold back a demon I see myself as and I turn away this truth I deny
I lie
It's cold at night and I think of her
What does it mean
What does it say
Who are we
What are we
Are we human
Or are we beast
I'm lost and I do not wish to be found
But just because I am losing does not mean I will stop
Or that I am to give up and forget all that they are
Just because I am hurting does not mean I am hurt
It just means that I have not found the right place to cross
The right time to test the storms at my back
And yet
She is always there stronger then ever even when I try to push away
I keep going back
I hang my head in defeat and I howl out her name to the moon at night
I wonder if she feels it
Wonder if she knows the truth I hide
I smile then
I know my path and maybe not in this life or the next
But someday I know I will be able to walk with her
United at the soul and we will both feel it
But for now I sing alone
I am not able or ready in the mind to follow the emotions that bind us
And yet I wonder
Is any of this really real