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Condemned



Around her neck the sadness of the years
Hangs heavy like the darkness of the night
Alas my lady weeps a lake of tears

Succumbing to the greatest of her fears
She sees there is an ending to her light
Around her neck the sadness of the years

The time for final reckoning appears
As torments put her sanity to flight
Alas my lady weeps a lake of tears

Her madness forms a fog that never clears
She never shall escape the chains of fright
Around her neck the sadness of the years

The haunting sound such cruel injustice hears
The sounds of death are her unending blight
Alas my lady weeps a lake of tears

My final words still ringing in her ears
She struck the blow that doomed me to my plight
Around her neck the sadness of the years
Alas my lady weeps a lake of tears

In a list

A contest entry

Please tell me honestly what you think, good or bad.

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    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
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Comments

1 - 8 of 8

  • PassionsPromise gold member
    November 18, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    this one tugged at my heart...
    actually i cant say much more. this is good...sad..but good.

    Love you
    Passions


  • LadyDementia gold member
    November 18, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Beautifully told, I do like this one quite a lot, the imagery is so sad. You have done a great job with the refrains, very neat read thanks for entering and good luck


  • kiwigirljacks gold member
    November 17, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Succumbing to our greatest fears would indeed feel just like this I think. This could relate to many different circumstances! Found this so sad.. yet wonderfully written.

    Unfortunatley over the word count, but enjoyed reading!


    • cricketjeff gold member
      November 17, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      I forgot the word count until I was well into the write, and having started a Villanelle I was stuck

      I'll try to remember for the next round


  • Amera gold member
    November 17, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This poem has so many meanings. I know that you don't write spiritual poems but I see the cross around her neck and your refrain:
    "Around her neck the sadness of the years" Christians are sad that their Lord had to die for their sins. I also see the secular metaphor of a broken hearted girl. This is brilliant!

    Love,
    Amera♥


  • Gwenevere
    November 16, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    ? what does he mean, Ros


  • Cup-a-Joe
    November 16, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    nice

    However it does not have your flare.
    The rhyme is off in s1 & 6 and I hate the punctiuation thruout.
    Other than that I see nothing wrong with it and kind of like it.
    Joe


    • cricketjeff gold member
      November 16, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      The rhyme is fine in an English accent and I'll redo the punctuation after the contest

1 - 8 of 8