the drive was quiet
we each held a vigil
for you in our minds
not sure what to say
the home was open
late just for us
and you were waiting
for us in the other room
no laughs, no exasperations
we wanted to see you
just one more time
and there you were
cold and immobile
still wearing your old
stained blue shirt
white streaks shocking
your black hair
as age had slowly crept in
jaw locked shut
and i absorbed the
sobs around me
and barely said a word
because i’d never spoken
to a dead man before
and didn’t know
where to begin
Author notes
Dad.
1962-2008.
In a list
Comments
1 - 58 of 58
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Whoa..
The ending was absolutely BRILLIANT!!! this is a very good poem. I loved the way you worded things.
I didn't know it was a funeral until the end but It made me want to read this poem a 2nd and third time...
Short...but mind blowing!
Very nice =]
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Not a funeral...just a private viewing for last goodbyes...
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i like how you don't try to be poetic... no overdose of similes and metaphors.
you just say it simply and it works.
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I'm sorry
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Aww, wow so sad & intensely heartfelt. I'm sorry to hear about the lost of your dad. That is really sad, how we end up lossing those closest to us.
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wow. thats wicked intense! way to show your inner goth!!! =]
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lmao seriously?
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What?
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amazing
truly sad the loss of a father can be and i am sorry for yours
mine has been gone for about 5 years next month i wanna say that the pain goes away but it doesnt completely so what i will say is it does lessen alittle every day and the really good memories start to flood in so this was a touching write and a wonderful piece please keep writing it helps release the grief
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good job
i like this one you did good
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very emosinal and pwerful! well done!
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I just re-read this again and remember it well. A poem like this stays with me. It's so powerful and sad, with immense love under the surface throughout. This is what I call great writing. Honest, open and brave. Real not by artifice but because it is real. As real as can be, and I'm sorry it ever had to be written.
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Wow
That was incredible. Quite honestly, I was unimpressed with the first couple stanzas. But the fourth one clenched me in, and the last two absolutely blew me away. Such a simple sentence, your last bit. But it says so much. Everything. I think it says absolutely everything that anyone who has lost someone could feel when confronted for the last time with their loved one. Then, I reread it. And the solemnity and terseness of the first few stanzas suddenly made sense, and I fell in love with it. Thank you.
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hey
wow, that was so amazing. ur description was perfect like i was there
sorry bout ur dad
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aww this is rele sad. im so sorry. but this was a great poem. if you need someone to talk to just hit me up im always here for you.
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I am really sorry... I don't know what to say although poetry is great for writing dowm emotions, I know you probably heard this alot, but that is all I can say. Well done on it though.
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Deep
Thats all I have to say. My Condolences.
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This poem was powerful. Damn. The ending was the most striking part, "I've never spoken to a dead man before". Unbelievable write, great job and I'm sorry for your loss.
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wow..
this is just wow..
i think that their is alot to say about this..
i felt so very moved by it because there is so much we all would like to say to the ones who are gone i could feel that emotional wish for a good bye within this..
loved it very good wrirte...
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in pain sometimes we write so well...
sorry about your dad...but thanks for sharing
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I'm so sorry about your dad.
This poem is very good, very well written.
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This is a very touching poem. You have great inner strength and a beautiful ability to put into words what many can't even speak.
God Bless
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you are a brave person ot share that, let alone share your feelings, i repect you and your poetry for that. Your story is filoled with calming emotion and a graceful write
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You tell your story clearly and with a lot of passion
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I was actually just reading 'Feelin' up some person's face' and 'rAzErs' from that horrible-poetry contest that I hosted with the girls, and was in the midst of laughing myself silly when I realized that I hadn't read any of your work in a while.
I can't believe I haven't read this already, and I was even more shocked to discover that I don't already have you as a favourite. I thought I did
The emotion here was very well-expressed, and I can't even begin to imagine how this must have affected you. It will take awhile, but I know that you are strong and will move on in due time.
Your poems are all so very moving, and they have touched me in ways that no other writer on this site has ever done, or ever will. I nearly cried while reading this, and since I'm not an emotional person, that is a true testament to both you and your poetry. Your ability to connect with your audience just blows my mind.
Well done, and take care of yourself
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Thank you. I've come to realize that I don't read nearly as much as I used to on this site and I should probably start getting back into it. I don't write all that much these days and I attribute that at least partly to just not reading a whole lot.
Thank you for the applause; this is one of the very few poems I've written that I don't really care to revise or edit, so I'm glad you enjoyed it at face value.
And of course, thanks for adding me to your favorites list.
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that would have sucked so bad to see......im so sorry......but good poem,a good way to express a bad situation
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Oh, that must have been THEE HARDEST moment. It is an awful experience to have to endure at any age. I admire your expertise in emotion and the layout of this for it brought the emotion and time delayed reaction. Very touching.
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Great Work, and I am sorry for your loss.
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Brilliant
This is very poignant. Your description is excellent. I like the shift at the end to italics.
The last 4 lines... yup, that captures it.
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sorry about your dad, excellent piece
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what is this poem about
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OMG
Chilling to the bone...the feel of being colder...than the image of death right before your eyes
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Well done, strong yet vulnerable; very descriptive and touching. My condolences, and thank you for sharing.
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I wish there was something I could say that would compliment this piece, but I’m afraid my words as useless. All I know is that… when it comes to writing about a deceased loved one, my words are never this amazing. This piece has surpassed all I thought was possible in a commemoration for the dead. I’m sorry about your father… trust me, I know what it feels like. This is an excellent piece, and I’m sure he would be proud of it. -T
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Good Job
Great write i love it i love the whole thing there is nothing to complain about i cant say nothing else but good job amazing write keep it up keep on going stay true stay sic and peace out -
Depressing but I envy that, good write.
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well done
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wow great write. full of emotion and imagry. well pend and a great flow. keep up the good work.
best of luck to you in the future and with your writing.
andi
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This is very sad, but a good description. I'm so sorry for you loss. I cried at your poem...because if I lost my dad...which I know eventually it will happen I will freak out...and I don't know what I will do...good write.
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You'll live. That's what you'll do.
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you're right...
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You tell your story clearly and with a lot of passion. It could be anyone's Dad in this poem. Your images are superb.
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I miss my dad, hes not dead, he just refuses to speak to me. I love this poem.
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Awww..
I'm sorry...
Nice poem though..
I am gratefull I have my father for he has saved me from lots of jams.
I have been there when death took a loved one from me,
watched as they died though.
It hurts.
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I am sorry for your loss. My dad is my best male friend and confidant. The last lines are too realistic for me. I am holding back tears. I saw you there, felt the chill...
God Bless
april nicole
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I really love the depth of this poem - the emotion that the simple words convey to the reader - this is just amazingly written - especially the italics at the end for emphasis - just wow I hope you are taking care of yourself.
Polly
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AMAZING
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wow, this is seriously good. i feel the emotion here , it is seriously a brilliant write.
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How sad...I know you're pain!I've had to deal with losing two grandparents to the angel of death,my dad and his entire side of the family(through a heart breaking divorce),and a beloved friend and ex to suicide!Your poem is moving and powerful!You have a gift with the art of poetry and the way you unleash your thoughts and emotions in your writting.Don't ever waste such an incredible talent!Also I am here for you to talk if ever you need a friend that knows the pain of losing a loved one!-Peace & Chaos
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Okay. I guess you don't need to answer the question I just left on your author page. Sorry to hear about this, brother. Your dad and I were only one year apart. He was too young. This is a powerful poem. I'm glad you're able to write about it. I'd be more worried about you if you couldn't. Drop me a line if you need a friend.
Peace,
Mark
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Thanks. I bet you and him would've gotten along well, though I think you're more conservative than he was. Truth be told, I'm not even sure who he was gonna vote for the election.
If I'd been able to, though, I would've voted in his place...for Obama.
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This is brilliant. Absolutely a perfect job done.
So painful, and beautiful. Wonderful write.
I am terribly sorry for your loss. -
This is so painful... I have tears in my eyes right now. I'm so sorry for your loss. Words cannot explain how much I can relate to this. I am sorry again, best of luck in the contest, though it seems you don't need it. It stands on its own. Very touching.
♣ Tegan
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you made me cry.
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Absolutely perfect.
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Really Good, Blackknight. Depth and introspection in a strong, even style paints a picture more impacting than the most crafty literary trick. The writing is somber without being bland, wrenching without being lugubrious... honest and truly felt. The italicized part is almost sonnet-esque... distills the entire poem -- or perhaps a whole lifetime of knowing someone -- in a couple haunting, brooding phrases. Really impressive.
And your loss... Well I'm not much for platitudes but will say this poem had a powerful effect on me. That feeling, in silence, is worth more than a thousand platitudes.
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Thanks bud. Truthfully, when people read something like this of mine, I just ask that they pay attention and listen. They don't need to say anything. I appreciate when they do, though.
By the way, you ever gonna make that second move for white? I moved 1...e5 a while ago.
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