What I Became

The phone rings in my head
And I answer it.
"Hello" says a quiet little girl.

It's me.

My eyes roll back into my mind
As that little girl reminds me
Of who I was.
She tells me of her mind, full of dreams that never could be
But that refused to slip away.
Of a Daddy who liked her because he could
Not because he had to.
Of a sister who looked up to her
Who wore jellies and pigtails just because her big sister did.
Of children who ran around the neighborhood, refusing to judge
Just looking to play.

Her eyes fill my soul as they fill with tears
When she reminds me of where I'm at.
Where I've been.
Where I should be.
Her words pierce my heart when she reminds me that I should have died
On several occasions.
Her truthfulness
that only children can get away with
Tells me that I could be someone else.
I could still have those dreams of Hollywood.
I could still be Daddy's little girl
With ice cream on her dress and cheeks
And a heart full of nothing but love.

Unfortunately, she tells me,
I've been tainted by life.
I let people who hated me add holes to my heart.
I let people who deserve absolutely nothing
Deserve me.
I let people push me around and spit on me
Telling me what I couldn't do.
And the only reason that it's affected me
Is because I let them.

And as I hang up the phone in my head
She giggles.
I giggle back.
And for a moment
I'm that little girl again.