Silver shines down on closed eyes and downturned mouths.
The pale moon kisses sleeping children,
tucking them in with loving folds of light.
Light smiles creep onto troubled faces,
children dreaming of soft silver beauty.
Mouths open, letting out whispering sleepy sighs.
Sighs of the wind warn of an ending night,
beauty slips silently unnoticed from the room.
Faces remain calm, the silver moons work is done.
Author notes
I know it's not great, it's a new style I'm messing with
A contest entry
- Preying Moon by misticmoonlite.
470 points, ended November 17, 2008, 10 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
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I love the way you penned this,and naaa punctuations mean very little to me!!! I look at the poem/story being told and if it catches my attention! I really liked the verses, thank you for this entry...good luck
Linda
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Actually, I really enjoyed it... nice flow, progressive imagery... A warm and gentle story well told...
Now, critique-wise
You'll get some heat for punctuation... you've captalized the first word only. Last line "moon's"... minor stuff.
Well done and best of luck...
Ken
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I'm not the best with grammar, but I messed with the punctuation a bit, hopefully it's better
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Flawless
For those who are anal, they will now concentrate on your message and not your form... Excellent.
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