Standing alone upon the hill
a beacon for a loved one
lost out in a sea
of faces
She stood there clothed
in his favorite gown
waiting for him
patiently
Years upon years pass
still she stood there
waiting for her lover;
waiting
Fog-banked day surrounding
she wilts as she waits
finally coming to believe
he was gone
Through the dense mist
a voice on the wind
calls out her name
gently, lovingly
There on the hillside path
came a figure appearing
as if magic on a stage
it was HIM
They reunite in joyous relief
they talk as he leads her
back down the path
going home
Hours later a stranger comes;
finds her huddled
on the ground
deceased
Author notes
Although perhaps not with any normal reason, the image of a lighthouse inspired this poem. If you cannot see the correlation, well, I am sorry, but read it again and see if it becomes clearer. My muse is in control here and she wrote from what she saw.
A contest entry
- imagery; lighthouse. by Ryno.
400 points, ended November 25, 2008, 14 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
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I like how you took this prompt - took it somewheres a little different then everyon else. And no worries, I can defiantly see how this would be inspired by a lighthouse.
I think you had a good raw, emotional basis for this piece, but I feel as though it lacked other things that could've been built upon. I, personally, don't think that your imagery was strong enough. You kind of "told" a story, instead of "showing" us the story, as I say a lot and heard from someone also and like how it helps. You see, when you tell something you are explaining what happened. Thats it. But when you a showing something to someone, you describe what it looks like, feels like, smells like, sounds like, tastes like and you are creative with it - it then allows the reader to feel the emotion of the piece - and that is when it was especially strong.
I also feel as though the piece was cliche and needed more creativity in the phrasing and the wording.
Besides those two things, I do however commend your strong, basic, personal emotion and solid flow.
Thank you for the entry. Good job.
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sis this was beutifuly sad
i love the way you used the image of the lighthouse as the woman standing there waiting for her loved one ... a beautiful ending as inside she leaves with him.
~ minxie ~
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Beautiful
At first I actually thought it was about a lighthouse.. then the woman part confused me until i reached the last couple of stanzas. That brought tears to my eyes. Thankyou for sharing it... Happy Skies!
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Awesome write !
I so enjoyed this one Cuz Great imagery used. I could just picture the lonely figure standing there waiting. Well done and best of luck 
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