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Blade

The hand of
The broken soul
Shivers in the night
Waiting to strike
The blade
Stands strong
Sharp and smooth
Precise and even
Ready to move
The broken soul
Bears the mind
Of the
Bleeding heart
As it beats
Steadily into
The night
When the air
Is soft and
The night is
Dark the
Time has come
For the blade
To strike
The pain sears
As the blood pours
All at the hand of
The broken soul
Bearing the mind
Of the
Bleeding heart and
Silence fills the night.

What did you think

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Comments

1 - 10 of 10

  • xxgivin-upxx
    January 6

    Edit | Reply
    your poem and hit me in a way that is good, i've been in a situation were the blade strikes and its not fun


  • Joshua DePesa
    November 29, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    I for got these:/ (:


    I've read this one so many times.


  • Joshua DePesa
    November 26, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    I loved it(: It flows so well, and is in my style of writing(:

    Keep it up.

  • dragongirl
    November 21, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    that was awesome. the darkness of it, the depression of it. reminds me of no feeling in the world, no hope and no help. it has depth


  • Gafa
    November 21, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    love the pace of this! the short lines don't give you a chance to take a breath from start to finish + thought the use of "blade" and associated motions was really well continued throughout


  • usually-untitled
    November 16, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    the tumbling-into-darkness effect is perfect. so dark.


  • jacobwinsyou
    November 16, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    I agree with it seeming like it's continually falling. Spacing it out more or adding pauses allows the reader to more easily comprehend what is being said. Not only that but it gives them time to reflect upon each section. It makes each section more important, rather than one long phrase of equal importance. It is ultimately a stylistic choice though.

    • heartbrokenspaz
      November 16, 2008
      Edit | Reply

      thanks

      thanks for your opinion i appreciate the time you took i will try to take your advice into consideration.


  • lindaburns gold member
    November 16, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    The first thing I noticed was no misspellings. I LIKE that in a poem.
    You might like my poem The Naked, Thirsty Knife (Or something similar to that).
    You presented your poem as one long sentence that tumbles down the page headlong. I think it would held the reader if you were to put in periods so we will know for sure where the next thought starts. I can’t tell if we have suicide or murder here but either
    way, it’s eerie. I think you will get some good reviews.

    • heartbrokenspaz
      November 16, 2008
      Edit | Reply

      thanks

      yeah i usually don't have spelling issues, ill take a look at your poems. thanks for your honest opinion it is greatly appreciated.

1 - 10 of 10