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Stampede of Wrong Decisions




Let's skip the beginning and start from the end
too much is broken and nothing can mend.
We glue on the heartstrings to force-feed control;
diminishing limits to buy back our souls.

Attention dehydrates to mimic despair,
closing in on burdens - no time to prepare;
the flight is ignited with nowhere to run
in shards of seclusion of which there are none.

So schedules are shattered to fit in decline
when we're moving forward but still left behind -
where fences can't be crossed when grief reappears,
and scapegoat advantage is less than sincere

Exams are not finished yet we're claiming truce -
no records for success nor pointless misuse.
The facts are misleading; the truths are denied,
burying our methods when we can't decide.

They inflict sympathy [no price for this show]
to make us feel better so we'll never know
about the directions we endlessly tread
and how we walk backwards, while they move ahead.

Instead of reviewing the mistakes we made,
we exchange our conscience for basic charades
the metal burns sorrow to bleed our replies,


attempting to make this the last time we die.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 




 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Author notes

Prompt: La Petite Mort
I found out it was an orgasm... but I ignored that part and took it as it's english meaning:
the little death.
As you can already see, I've gone out of the box and interpreted the little death as having to die many times.

And have died many times writing this for you, bozo.

--


Picture Credit: Decision by sozesoze @ deviantart.com


--

ARGH.
idunno idunno
i want my rhyme back
*cries*

YOU MUST LEAVE A CRITIQUE OR I WILL EAT YOU ALIVE
[no matter how yucky you taste like]

A contest entry

Now you tell me:

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 39 of 39

  • Draig aine gold member
    March 4
    Edit | Reply

    congratulations on the gold

    I like defination equally well, bravo for one who has also died too many times grin grin


  • januaryrain gold member
    January 4

    Edit | Reply

    Brilliant

    wow, I really like this poem. I knew there were great rhymes out there.
    thank you for you entry, I enjoyed it very much.
    Well done.
    you wouldn't want to eat me, I'm old and tough, lol.
    Error adding comment, will probably show up twice, but that's ok, I read it twice, lol.


  • parachute fog
    December 9, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    - didn't like the title, nor the inclusion of the photograph in the poem

    -soul/forcefeed, very unpleasing images, reminds me of suffragettes & cervantes.

    - stick to your free verse writing, its far more kick in the face worthy & intresting.

    - perhaps im just bias.


  • Loveandblessings2u gold member
    November 26, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    What in the world am I going to do with you.
    I think you just gave me a new gray hair.
    I don't know how I missed this piece. But I am glad I found it. I always loved your rhyme, you are very good at it. Nice to see you write it again. And yes you continue to make me a bit crazy LoL !!! Keep up the outstanding writing.

    Loveandblessings2u & yours always

    Granny


  • Stormy Days
    November 20, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I like the last line its my favorite... YAY FOR PEOPLE...

    *whispers* (i've already been eated... TWICE)


  • Rhapsody
    November 20, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Beautiful rhyme scheme. I love the rhythm to it. in the 5th paragraph it might sound better to put we all instead of we'll. but it's your poem, good luck.


  • Darkened Seraph
    November 17, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Excellent sis, The rhyming was spot on and works great with the poem, disagree with the [..] section of it for once in your poems, it doesn't feel like it's needed but you can shoot me if you want lol. I would think he tastes rather nice lol. goodluck sis


  • ConjurerCaptainTam
    November 17, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Rhyme works really well.
    & it is of such high-level; sorry i cant notice any discrepency to give you constructive critism on so guess you'll just have to eat me alive..which is not so bad considering i would be honoured to be devoured by such word-tasteful lips

    thank you - pleasure to read!


  • Randomly Beautiful
    November 17, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    One of the few rhymers I can read, and enjoy. I love how you stepped outside the box.


    • Never Fall in Love
      November 17, 2008
      Edit | Reply

      • Randomly Beautiful
        November 17, 2008

        Edit | Reply
        Somehow, you were removed from my favorites list. I don't know what happened. I caught this one from the contest. I realized that I hadn't seen your name posting under my current poems from favorites. You really were there, honest. I am headed to place you back. Damn ap anyway.

        • Never Fall in Love
          November 17, 2008
          Edit | Reply
          damn. I think this is why I don't get contest notifications anymore
          Favorites drop out my list whenever they change their name it's annoying.


  • nancy drew
    November 16, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    i taste like chalk you don't want to eat me.

    anyways, critically, i can't think of anything. usually i bore of long writes, because i have the attention span of a cat- which is like 10 seconds or something-so you held it.
    you rhyme really well.

    i just like it, ok!

  • xbeautifulxdisasterx
    November 16, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    i love this so much your choice of words is completly fantastic.<3
    Let's skip the beginning and start from the end
    too much is broken and nothing can mend.
    We glue on the heartstrings to force-feed control;
    diminishing limits to buy back our souls.

    that is definitly my favorite part, i don't think you should change a think.


  • hks
    November 16, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    about the directions we endlessly tread

    freaking love your choice of words and the profoundness they embody. ;]

    so great. so true. lol

    so much goes unnoticed..

    :]


  • xDemonicxAngelx
    November 16, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Wowza! Good god Chandni, reading this has really made me miss your rhyming poems! Your endings are always powerful, and your rhyming is just flawless. I miss your rhyming poems Amazing job my dear. Best of luck in the contest.

    Take care


  • XxAbby-Jay-CrunkxX
    November 16, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    absolutely amazing


  • Shakes-spear
    November 16, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    very smart

    I really like this though dark is not what I like most of the time. You raise many good points here and there is much for discussion. You never cease to amaze me with your knowledge of things. I wish there were some answers that I could give you, but it seem as though we have a lot of the same questions that go unanswered! The Shaker


    • Never Fall in Love
      November 16, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      We aren't meant to know any answers .. because there are no facts, only interpretations.


  • And Hyetal
    November 16, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    ugh, I'm not good with critiques, so please don't eat me!!!

    I'm not a big fan of rhyme, and I guess this is good, but it just doesn't move me for some reason.

    'They inflict sympathy [no price for this show]' I loved this line.

    And the last one.

    uhm, the title was actually kind of confusing to me. Wrong decisions happen one after the other, not as one big cluster... At least that's my interpretation of it.




    In reference to the Wikipedia article: 'fainting spells or unconsciousness some lovers experience.' what in the world???




    ~Cassie


  • Death of the Author
    November 16, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Not a fan of the title by the way But hey *shrugs*

  • Death of the Author
    November 16, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I take full credit for finding your rhyme, I do, I do

    uhm nice opening

    force-feed control - that's so you lol

    diminishing - that's so you too

    buy back our souls - sweet

    flight is ignited...hmm...=/

    shards - sweet word

    when we're moving forward but still left behind - wickeed

    where limits can't be crossed - two things, one cancels out the other so if you change one it's fine: I don't think limits flows that well AND you already used it in your first stanza so using a different word would counter both problems, si?

    scapegoat advantage is less than sincere - I like, but explain a little for poor little me

    Hmm...to me the 4th stanza isn't up to the standard of the rest of the poem, though "truths are denied" is a really cool phrase. Lol, I bet that's confusing seeing as *points below* they thought the opposite.

    they force out - I would reword that, maybe "they impose sympathy" or something.

    how we walk backwars, while they move ahead - nice mirroring of an earlier line.

    the first line of the 6th feels like it needs an extra syllable to me

    I say charades like SHA RARDS, but that's an inconsequential accent based thing.

    Cool ending. I presume meant literally...like...wrist-slicing suicide and all that.

    You have nothing to fear my dear, I liked it a lot.

    • Never Fall in Love
      November 16, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      hmm... we go down the list, shall we?

      - I can only be me, hahah

      - flight is ignited [i think you know what the reference is]

      - I never noticed the double limits - probably cause I changed the last line of the first stanza later on.
      Well, I changed limits to fences. I thought of borders, but that wouldnt flow well either.

      - Scapegoat advantage means using someone else to get out of the mess. There are many ways out but it wouldn't be sincere ones. Even in this real life

      - yeah, 4th stanza is definitely confusing me now, lol

      - changed 'force out' to burden

      - 1st line, 6th stanza feels fine to me, even checked the syllable count = same as the rest ):

      - say charades as: shuh raids. hmpf.

      - omg, no literal! lol, you make me feel like an attention-seeking teenager .. which I am .. but not like that!


      I loved that you loved this, hahaha

      • Death of the Author
        November 16, 2008
        Edit | Reply


        no I claim ignorance to "flight is ignited"

        even if it wasn't repeated I don't like burden there...



        I couldn't think of another reason for the inclusion of "metal" other than the literal...


  • DesolatELifE
    November 16, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    The fourth verse is my favourite, apart from the last line, of course.


  • notorious
    November 16, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Critique: hate rhyming poems

    Non-critique: I liked this rhyming poem.



    Jessica


  • autarky
    November 15, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    "of which there is none"
    grammatically speaking, of which there ARE none?

    ha. i critiqued. can i praise it now??

    yeah anyway, this is the best rhyming poem i have ever read on AP. i'm not even exaggerating or flattering or bullshitting you at all. there is a reason i despise rhyme. this kinda flipped my world over.

  • Death of the Author
    November 15, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    I've gone out of the box and interpreted the little death as having to die many times.

    Surely that's just my sexilicious title.

    Oo rhyme I see.

    I will do it justice in the morning

1 - 39 of 39