Twist your king cobra body
through the shadowed rainbow lights
until I fall under your hypnotic spell
.
.
.
Every sweat drenched muscle ripples
in the flashing lights turning you into
a statuesque God of a foreign land
.
.
.
Entrenched in your captive stare
you curl around my body, twisting me
to mold against your stone body
.
.
.
Slide between my legs in the
damp darkness of the night. I
feel your venom flow inside me
and I'm lost in your secretive seduction
Author notes
I'm still trying to tweek this - something seems to be missing.
Or maybe this is just something that can't be described
A contest entry
- The Feelings you get by ChaingangAngel.
400 points, ended November 29, 2008, 24 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Be Brutally Honest, Loves
Comments
-
wow
Thanks for entering my contest I like this write it was nicely done
-
Ok one thing, I hate snakes! Even in the way that you have used it here. Although I did like the line:
Entrenched in your captive stare
Snakes do have a captivating stare, but it's an evil stare I love the imagery in this piece, but yeah I agree with the other comment, it does feel like theres something missing. It's not one of your best pieces my dear but it's still good.
Best of luck in the contest.
Take care
-
For a second, when I read your title I thought it was sensual seducation and I laughed my ass off. then I reread it and saw it was snake. darn you dyslexia!
anywho...
I also like to see whenever people put a word like "shadow" or "black" or "gray" well, something dark before rainbow. It's a bit ironic.
I thought there was a lot of great imagery in this piece but I agree, it does feel a bit vacant. I don't know. I'm not sure if you should add more because if you did, that might stretch it further than it needs to go but at the same time I feel like it needs more explanation. I'm sure if you sit down and look at it, reread you might be able to add more and feel that it is complete.
♥
Adding your comment:
