I want to see you rot, decay, waste the fuck away
I want to see your blood, your bones, an evil cyclone
Don't fear death for that is I
Death, Hate, destruction...for the blind
Fear my name for I am hate
Vicious & malicious, I'm your fate
Cull the herd, bleed the weak
Suffer thy sickness, my kindness...bleak
Cry my name, call out for peace
Scream once more before you bleed
Polished steel with a razor kiss
Slowly glides across your flesh
Small red freckles glisten down the edge
Your voice is gone before the sledge
You crawl, you fall, your bleeding out
I prepare to take you out
Hammer high, above your head
One last look before your dead
See the fear within those eyes
Hear the murmur of your cries
Cutthroat angel, your beautiful
Say goodbye, down I pull
Heartless swing with magnificent force
Cranium destroyed without remorse
I pound and pound the sloppy mess
A puddle left of your head
I work my way down your carcass
Hammer smashing bones like glass
I beat your body into the floor
Just small fragments left of what you were
I bathe and rub you into me
Your guts and flesh give me beauty
Young girls blood will save my skin
The meat will cure my soul within
I lick and suck my fingers more
Drag my tongue across the floor
I roll and rub my body down
Explore myself in perfection drowned
Feel my heart, my soul and sin
Heart retched orgasm as you're within
Across the room I hear the camera
To relive my chimera
Author notes
a little over the top?
A contest entry
- Hurry Hurry! Only 10 spots for one trophy worth points!!! Must enter!!! by Horrific Hollis.
500 points, ended November 15, 2008, 9 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Give me more! by ASmileForYou.
700 points, ended January 7, 69 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Sadistic Intent by Synthetic-Nightmare.
1200 points, ended January 6, 44 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Dark, Despair, Doom by MaddCuppyCake.
425 points, ended February 27, 28 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Twisted Sensations by Darkend.
900 points, ended August 31, 10 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Prewrites. ♥ by GraveyardGoddess.
400 points, ends November 27, 416 entries
• next poem in this contest, • Add to finalists list, or remove from contest - prewrite contest - round 1 by serenity silvermoon.
929 points, ended October 12, 459 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Dark Emo Writes~All Welcomed by VampireKitty-.
470 points, ended October 14, 84 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 28 of 28
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brutal
Wow I never thought Id see the day when I was scared by a poem in an erotica contest, but well done, my fellow writer, you have succeeded. Loved every moment. -
The male version of Elizabeth Bathory?
I think so.
Bravo. -
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I'm glad you liked it baby
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That totally made me think on the chimera syndrome some people are born with where they have changing DNA and such. Weird. Excellent write though, and good luck in my contest.
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This is a nice little poem one reads to their grandma late at night, especially if she is filthy rich, and you're in her will. LOL! Oh darkness reins here, such brutal imagery you've unleashed on us all. And I too think this poem reads like a song, someone like Cannibal Corpse I can picture singing this, or should I say growling this poem. Well done and thanks for sharing.
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Awesome!
Excellent...everything really. o.O;;
It reads like a song (though I guess that's true of a lot of things)
Very good imagery. -
What a lovely poem. Especially the orgasm bit. I'm always up for one of those, as I am sure we all are.
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Thanks
for entering this hun!!!!!! It is MOST DEFINITELY in the finalist.....
dude......
errr, my contest got flagged :/
fuckin people, haha!! Can you BELIEVE that?
((yeah, i probably should have staretd up a message convo but whatever)) -
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Dam mods, lol, always flagging shit
Don't sweat it babe, at least they didn't delete it
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Over the top indeed (in a good way)! This scared the living daylights out of me! Enough I want to read it again!!!
Good luck in the contest...wish you all the best
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Sweet Jesus, that was horrifying. I absolutely loved it, and I'm kind of creeped out. It was great. It got a huge response out of me. *shivers*
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Wow, quite the gore fest. Some raw imagery portrayed within your words. There was one thing that threw me a little, in the second verse using the same word [out] as rhyme doesn't work for me. Other than that this is a good piece. Thank you for entering and good luck
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Thanks for your comment hun and to explain the "out" used as a rhyme, this is a song written for my band, it's written out as lyrics so i used more of a rythym then a rhyme and a flow pattern then rhyme. Thanks for your comment
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that was fucking awesome! i think there were a few lines that were kind of sludgy in rhythm, but overall it had a really great flow and amazingly vivid imagery; you did a great job of exemplifying show not tell. also, i think there were a few times in there that you had "your" instead of "you're"' gotta watch out for those contractions. best of luck in the contest!
~Methusala
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thanks for pointing those out for me, i usually don't pay too much attension to my grammar when i'm writing
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no problem!
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This is awesome. I think the imagery is totally vivid and creates the whole scene in the mind of the reader.
**Ktulu Blackwolfe** -
Interesting and with definite touch of the macabre! I don't see the touch of vampire in here but then there is enough gore in this to satisfy the most bloodlusting of creatures. Great Job!
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This is very interesting, brutal, but interesting. Thanks for entering and good luck!
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A bit long and spoiled by grammatical infelicities I fear. I have ripped out many a throat for bad grammar....................
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...okay let me fix it
"I KILL VIRGINS AND SUCK THEM DRY
THE END"
Better? -
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LOL
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Wow...i dont know if i should be disturbed or completely enamoured by this piece...i think im enamoured!
Great rhyme scheme! -
wow no words can describe the darkness of the poem
it has so much power in it so much heart
I bathe and rub you into me
Your guts and flesh give me beauty
Young girls blood will save my skin
The meat will cure my soul within
great word amazing truly i see why you won the contest congrats
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HOLY MOTHERFUCKER!
THIS IS HOT AS HELL!!!!!!! This poem is written with such briliant talent, i can see the whole scene in my head as the killer brutalizes his victim. Ok, now for some lines that stuck out to me:
'Cull the herd, bleed the weak
Suffer thy sickness, my kindness...bleak"
and
"Scream once more before you bleed" ((interestingly, there are quite a few killers who get off on this sense of power and control....hearing their victims plead....))
and
"Polished steel with a razor kiss
Slowly glides across your flesh
Small red freckles glisten down the edge
Your voice is gone before the sledge
You crawl, you fall, your bleeding out"
This is soooo totally a way to burn out of this world. If i could choose how i want to die....i would sooo choose someone bleeding me to death. AMAZING WRITE! And disturbing? haha, yeah, for normal people
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LoL, i always love hearing your comments on my work darling, i'm glad you enjoy it and your easily my favorite critic
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awww
*hugs*
you're very welcome. I loved you're wording through-out this whole piece though, really truly!
I'm a sick fucker and guess what? i think, after all of these years, i have come to grips with it!
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The poem leaves me speachless. The horror in this is intense. I love it.
"Polished steel with a razor kiss"
This line is my favorite.
It adds beauty to the horror.
This is an amazing write.
~Hollis
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