As the lake sits,
Under the setting sun,
It reflects everything,
Above and beyond.
As the lake sits,
Shimmering with glee,
A rocket goes by,
And everyone can see.
As the sky reflects upon the water,
The rocket does to,
And people stare in wonder,
So I do to.
I know its a rocket in the sky,
That everyone sees,
But I look down,
And see myself,
Riding in the rocket,
To a far-away place,
For only me.
Author notes
This was kinda meant to be a kid-type poem...
A contest entry
- Endeavor - photo prompt by thelordreigns.
550 points, ended December 13, 2008, 12 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
no question
Comments
1 - 16 of 16
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Congratulations!
So, you see, darling, you are not a "screw-up," for this great poem was found deserving of the Honorable trophy! You still need to correct this line: "So I do to." -- to/too
Much love in Christ, BonnieQ
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A very fresh look at something that needs emphasis. You have done it, fellow poet!
*Suggestions*
I agree with my colleague, BonnieQ that if you
correct all the typos and word usages, this would
stand out and be more eligible for placing in this contest and certainly a credit to your eagerness to excell in writing. That is the publishing third 'eye' that may poets achieve.
Thank you for sharing. God be with you!
in content, and as from me...
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thank you so much!
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really good.
thats a kewl poem.BTW how many points do u have?and r u the starter of any contests.and your poetry has 2 beutiful sides emo and childish a pretty sweet combo.i only have 25 points but i have been entering a whole lotta contests,plz message back my little fluf muffin☺☻♥
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HI MOMMY!!!!! I made a comic about u. And im thinkin about startin up a contest when i get enough points.
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Lovely day dream write! Thank you for sharing.
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Dreamy Escapism
In your response to our great hostess, you said you are "just a screw up." Despite not knowing you and no matter what those close to you might say to you, I can say that is not true. You have the power of choice, therefore you and your life will be whatever you decide: good or bad. It's all about choice, the choices you make for yourself: sometimes we do make bad choices, but from those we can learn very valuable lessons that we can take with us to help another person.
I like the dreamy quality of your poem and over all it is really good. The only problems I see, from an editor's point of view, is improper punctuation and in several cases improper word usages: for instance, where you use the word "to," meaning also. In the case of implying "also," the proper word is "too."
Additionally, when punctuation is used in poetry, the only lines that begin with a capital letter would be those that begin a new sentence. Otherwise, non-punctuated poems do require that each line begin with a capital letter.
Now dear one, I hope you see that your only issue with writing is technical. As for talent, you definitely have an abundance and should continue to write: always write! If you do, someday you will be great, known far and wide.
Much love in Christ, BonnieQ 
(former publisher's editor and published author)
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Your a published author? Thats my dream!!!!!!!! I feel so honored to have you looking at my poem. =]
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hmmmmmmmmmmmm well good poem but possible in disney land.nice one
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Thank you so much. =]
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btw... its jordan.
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I love it... take me with you?
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Yes I'll take you with me you lil pumpkin!!!! XD
cheers
xXx
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Wow this poem is amazing, Ive always dreamed of escaping, but never in such a sweet way.
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I love it! It made me smile just like the picture did!
Thanks so much for entering and please, don't ever stop writing!
- joanne -
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I'll be sure to keep it up!
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