i see space i see the stars
i see the dreams inside of me
as i go where no one goes
i think about myself
i am so small yet have accomplished great things
as i fly in space this day
i hope that i will be safe
wow man can accomplish anything that he
Endeavors
A contest entry
- Endeavor - photo prompt by thelordreigns.
550 points, ended December 13, 2008, 12 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
-
Small We Are
Why, even God compares us to a grasshopper at His feet: we are so incredibly small up against His greatness, which encompasses the universe.
You make a wonderful point in this great rendering of the contest prompt picture. However, talent, which you have, can go unnoticed if we do not take the time to carefully craft the visual aspect of the piece. In this case, your poem is absent puctuation, which is fine; but it means each line should begin with a capital letter and every proper noun or pronoun should be capitalized as well (ref: "i" should be "I").
I would suggest, for the following last two lines:
"wow man can accomplish anything that he
Endeavors" ---
They would look better and improve the flow if it were laid out thus:
"Wow man can accomplish anything
That he Endeavors"
The mark of a great writer is editing being his or her greatest strength. So, keep writing and edit, edit, edit. Best wishes in the contest.
Much love in Christ, BonnieQ
(former publisher's editor and published author)
-
Thank you so much for your entry in my contest. We are so small when compared to the potential in the universe!
- joanne -
Adding your comment:
