you
are asleep
as I write
this, waiting patiently for
me to return, blissfully unaware
that I'm writing about you again,
still irresistibly compelled against all better instinct
to endlessly enwrap and enribbon with new words
and imagery the same amazement, as if not yet
fully convinced of your reality.
A contest entry
- Passing A Note To All Poets by Dalaney.
750 points, ended November 23, 2008, 23 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 14 of 14
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I asked for poetry that didn't exhibit love as any kind of perfection. I like the form, but this isn't what I'm looking for at this time. Thanks for entering.
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Er... how does this portray love as perfection? It expresses an honest emotion -- that the situation didn't exactly feel real yet. Do flaws have to be overtly mentioned and focused upon for it to not be a "fantasy love" situation? Sorry my honest, real feelings are too "perfect".
EDIT: I just realized how sarcastic this reply sounds. It's really not meant to be. Just confused. Sorry.
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I should ammend my comment. It's not that this isn't your honest interpretation of love, simply that it doesn't mesh with my honest interpretation of love. Personal preference is all. I apologize if it came out offensively. But yes, I did want flaws mentioned.. the postive and the negative, that's why I asked for gritty and even ugly love poetry.
Oh and thank you for editing your comment, though I didn't find the original sarcastic in the least. You had a serious question and I hope I addressed it. -
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Ahh, I see. I misinterpreted the contest requirements then. Gotcha. I'd try again, but, honestly, I waited until I was 23 to get into a "serious" relationship for a reason and I don't have any good material from myself. So I'd basically have to make shit up. For this topic I should probably leave it to those with real-life experience. And thanks for giving a serious reply! I was kind of afraid you'd take it badly even with the edit. I've caused such reactions before. x.x
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I've never believed you have to write from personal experience. I believe, if you can write a poem about something so far removed from your own life, and make the reader believe, then you are a better poet than most.
And I know all about getting bad reactions for comments. LOL No worries. -
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True enough. I'm just afraid I'll go off on one of my vicious tangents if I start trying to think about bad relationships, and I know that's *really* not what you're looking for. XD
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lol Vicious would be okay I think... but a tangent AND vicious... now that's a mean combination right there
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i've been sighing for the last ten minutes reading love notes...after reading this I know I will be sighing some more. Thank you so much for your entry. Love, Lane
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First Read- wow
I would take out still and "and"..see how that feels in your mouth and it makes it have more punch...But, it is your work and you can just say "whatever Hol" LOL -
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That would ruin the syllable counting scheme and I couldn't find another way to say it that felt natural. I do agree it would have a bit more punch, but that's a free verse feel and this one doesn't happen to be free verse. Thank you.
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I cannot tell you how many times I've felt the way that you described in the poem. Sometimes one just feels too lucky. But I guess it's important to just enjoy it as much as you can!
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Ouch. This snaps back like a rubber band and the obsessed will ignore it and pull it taut again. Powerful.
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this is also really pretty, and again i reread it several times, each time understanding more. it's funny, because I was just thinking of creating a poem in that style, but gave up, thinking it was a stupid idea. you proved me wrong! and it's really cool how the finality of the last line is accentuated by it's failure to comply with your patern.
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I usually do syllable rather than word counting, but lately it's come out that way. I didn't even really notice I was doing it this time which is why the last line doesn't 'match'. You're right that it works well tho'. Thanks.
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