Skin of
porcelain like
a water lily that
lies upon the ivory breasts
of love
Author notes
I keep doing the syllable count and it keeps saying porcelian is 4 syllables, I thought it was 3?
1. THE TRADITIONAL CINQUAIN, as developed by Adelaide Crapsey, is a short, unrhymed poem consisting of twenty-two syllables distributed in five lines and arranged accordingly:
Line 1 - 2 syllables
Line 2 - 4 syllables
Line 3 - 6 syllables
Line 4 - 8 syllables
Line 2 - 2 syllables
- article by nicolette
Contest: write a Traditional Cinquain on the word "white" in contest, "Whiter Words"
A contest entry
- whiter words by Nicolette.
1500 points, ended November 20, 2008, 33 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Do any words sound awkward or unfitting in this poem?
Comments
1 - 13 of 13
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This is lovely...and of course you have a flower in here, a lily
. A very creative take on the prompt and such a softness about it too. I liked this!
I would go with "porcelain" being 3 syllables - no way it can be four - so, your syllable count is perfect.
Thank you for this lovely entry.
~ Nicolette
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So Pretty
Oh I loved this poem and the form is excellent. This poem is written so beautifully with so few words. Best wishes in the contest.
Blessings
Kelle Marie
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what a very beautiful cinquain...
"a water lily that
lies upon the ivory breasts
of love"
- LOVE these lines....
and I also think the leaf poem on your page is stunning=)
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wonderfull done! it invokes an area of images into my mind..very metaphorally done...it flows like a river
good luck in the contest
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Very beautifully done!! You've managed to capture stunning imagery in just a few words!
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wow, this is big for syllable check but marvelously small
I keep getting indexed to what I feel you're touching upon, "skin... porcelain" denotes a 'human vessel' as biblically bookmarked; but also is for sureness by some poured fill, like "water lily" barely cupped or pursed receiving share over pond. towards the moving line where that should occur on "ivory breasts" which parallels service that can seemingly go bone dry, but not relationship.
{well placed} this really tremors many ways, like child on father not of his own flesh stimulus to feed child, or mother who's weaned or wasn't able to begin among weighing -- but most it reminds me of ultimate milky picture of nursing on back where chest appears as sternum with infant going to side ~
ah but there's a trunk to splash up again per se!
beautiful displaying,
called Carolyn -
Very nice sketch in white. Well done,
~Mary O
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beautiful portrait of love
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very pretty cinquain. I like the white water lilies as breasts opening in love.
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I like
porcelain 3 syllables but very nice over all
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Visually Captivating
I count 3 syllables on Porcelain...but again depends on pronunciation? English is a funny language at times, so to each his own interpretation right? Other than that, I enjoyed the imagery depicted here! -
I count porcelain as a 3 syllables word, but as they say, the sound might be different depending of how people pronounce certain words...
In any event, your poem is so very tender, made me think of a mother and her baby. Lovely imagery and thoughts
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