I've driven this lonesome highway, so many times before.
I won't see the sun go down on this road no more.
I walked into our bedroom, seen you there with him
I can't describe the pain inside burning from within
Turned my back, walked away, as you cried my name
Tears washed this face, I'm disgraced and I'll never be the same
Turned the key, pressed the gas and peeled out of the drive
You begged me to stop, wanted to talk, me I'd rather die
The only swing I took was at the rear view mirror
Smashed the glass so I couldn't see you chasing me with those tears
This bottle is hate, heartache and pain, everything I've got
You're the poison in my veins leave me alone, I want to decay and rot
I push the pain down, deep inside, drowned in one fifty one proof
Burn the love, to hell with trust, and forget the lie called you
I looked into the mirror to a strangers eyes looking back at me
No more love, no more good, just tears on flesh falling
Turned the key, pressed the gas and roar down the road
Straight pipe exhaust and ford big block silenced my saddened choke
To my lips one last time, drink till this bottle is gone
Your still there, in my head, my pain in still too strong
Whiskey sting and the lullaby cry, vision blurred and red
I won't heal this can't be real, leave me for cold and dead
All I loved, all I had, in the arms of another man
In these eyes, I have cried, caught the tears in hands
What should I do, without you, I can't even breathe
Your fake tears brought out my fears, that you’re a liar seized
Your fake cry when you screamed my name, trying to repair this pain
The broken glass is all that’s left of the hurt in vain
My time is up, you lost my love, I'll release this all tonight
The only way, the only loss will be my worthless life
In this tunnel I see it all, like looking into the maw of hell
Darkness eternal and infernal, I can almost hear the bells
Turn the key, press the gas, roar down an enclosed street
This is it, time to die, full speed into concrete
The dull thrash of steel, clashing stone, I hit the pillar hard
The taste of blood and old whiskey, I've dealt the darkest card
Snowflakes of glass pierce my skin, my lips, and my eyes
They carve as deep and cut as bad as everyone of your lies
No angels song, no warming light, just blood and broken bones
The whiskey song, the broken heart…I died all alone
Author notes
a really...really bad night
Everything that i've written actually happenened, this is a true story. Except for the Death part, thats just a metaphore
Fenrir Rising
A contest entry
- "Prewrites " + Plus by wingsofgold25.
600 points, ended November 20, 2008, 67 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - ~From the heart~ by Serenity-words.
2700 points, ended February 20, 47 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - There's only hate, there's only tears, there's only pain, there is no love here. So what will you do? by Jaffa-.
700 points, ended February 26, 27 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Falling warrior by Forgotten Warrior.
750 points, ended March 18, 11 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Pain, Sadness (Guys only) by Violent Glass.
625 points, ended March 26, 30 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Broken Love by carospellman.
430 points, ended September 28, 20 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - prewrites contest!!!!!!!!!!!! enter!!!!! by foreveryourslove.
1120 points, ended November 9, 1070 entries
• next poem in this contest, • Add to finalists list, or remove from contest - prewrite contest - round 1 by serenity silvermoon.
929 points, ended October 12, 459 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Dark Emo Writes~All Welcomed by VampireKitty-.
470 points, ended October 14, 84 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 38 of 38
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"begged me to stop", changing tense to begging and wanting would work better
I looked into the mirror to a strangers eyes looking back at me
I look into the mirror and all I can see is a haunted wounded stranger looking back at me,
Last stanza is a mish mash of past present and future tense, I understand the desire to vent hate and angquish over a lost love who cheated, however the repetition of pressing the gas as a means of excape leaves me to think that only running away could solve this particular problem when in reality turning back and venting at the perpetrator of your feelings would have been more constructive...
As an aside I am still looking for the negative comments I asked for in my competition notes
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Oh wow... That was the best damn thing I have read all day! What a terrible betrayal!!!!! I can't believe someone could be so selfish and just plain stupid. You are obviously a very talanted man. You deserve better than that.
The Positives:
Wow were to start I loved everything about this! It was one of the best poems I have ever read and I am not just blowing smoke up your dress.
The Negatives:
Nothing bad about this poem all around great!!!
My Favorite Part:
Whiskey sting and the lullaby cry, vision blurred and red
I won't heal this can't be real, leave me for cold and dead
All I loved, all I had, in the arms of another man
In these eyes, I have cried, caught the tears in hands
What should I do, without you, I can't even breathe
Your fake tears brought out my fears, that you’re a liar seized
Your fake cry when you screamed my name, trying to repair this pain
The broken glass is all that’s left of the hurt in vain
My time is up, you lost my love, I'll release this all tonight
The only way, the only loss will be my worthless life
That first line in particular really got to me.
Overall:
I give this an 10/10 you did great. I hope to see you in my future contests thanks so much for entering. I am adding you to the finalist list.
~*~Apathetic Poison~*~ -
Ooooo wow, this is so sad! Beautifully written, good work
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Omigosh, this is soooo sad!
Very heart wrenching! Great piece, nicely written.
Bravo!!!
♥ Kate -
Ouch. I feel every word here. I wish it wasn't true. No one ever deserves the pain that infidelity causes, but it is good you vented in a poem. Excellent write and good luck in my contest.
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incredible...
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My favorite lines were drowned in one fifty one proof, i lookin into the mirror to a strangers eyes looking back at me, and your still there , in my head my pain is still too strong. This reminded me of the song called whiskey lullaby which made me cry just like this poem. I am sorry you went through such terrible heartbreak. It can be terrible. This was poem was amazing though. Thanks for entering my contest.
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DON'T DO IT!!!...I love the poem, but I'm REALLY sorry this happened to you...I don't know what I would do if that happened to me...
Alicia Lynn -
If you could tell me what option that's in, it'd be great. A great poem, very emotional, very discriptive.
Thank you for entering and good luck in the contest.
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the first time i saw this, i didnt wanna read it. it looked way too long, but when i started to read it, i loved it. the rhythm and rhyme make it flow so well and i ended up reading it twice.
amazing job
thanks for entering -
WOW
I thought that this was absolutly amazing. Remarkable flow and rhythm. This was just soooo sad and so emotional. I could so feel the pain of being well and truely stabbed in the back by somebody you love. I think that this is an amazing write. Thank you so much for your entry. I look forwark to reading more of your work. xo -
Thank you
Thank you for entering my contest! This is a great write--A lot of emotion in it. It made me sad.
Good luck in the contest!
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This is some deep shit. The imagery, it killed me to see this. I wanted to cry. The emotion put inot this was so great, I wanted to cry after the first stanza. The flow and the rhythm was great as well. The only thing I'd suggest changing is the different stanzas. In each stanza it seemed you were just saying the same thing over again but in different words. It didn't get boring because of the power the words had, but still, I'd ,like to see some change. This reminds me of the song called "Whiskey Lullaby by Brad Paisely" Great job on this and good luck in the contest.
Josh
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nice.
this amazed me, so beautifully written but so very dark. good luck on the contests. -
nicely done - congrats on your wins
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Wow
gotta say I feel the pain in this one... a pain of betrayal... a pain of loneliness... a pain of destruction of all love and hope. So many intenese emotions in this one. Wow! Great write. Thanks for sharing this one. And thanks for adding it to our friends reading list.
Hope you are feeling better! Being 
isn't fun.
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Bad night, bad ride, Good poem.
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holy shit..this was just amazing....im so sorry for what you had to go threw .....this should win the contest..if there were voters id vote for this poem...you should write a book...so everyone can see how amazing you are....i would buy the first book....thank you for writing this..you inspire me i love all you poems...this one made me think so much like wow....im katelynn by the way...if you ever need to talk to someone im all ears i feel like i can relate to you in so many ways...maybe i could get to know you message me sometime..love always katelynn
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oops forgot 10
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wow. I am crying. and I can relate
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i'm so sorry if this did actually happen, nobody deserves for this to happen to them, though of course it makes you xstronger and more careful with who you trust. It kills us inside. So sorry.
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Holy wow. That last stanza adds so much to this. The whole poem is so powerful. I love it.
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Oh what a night
Wow that's some bad night, great imagery and well told story to boot. Yeah one could easily call this poem heart wrenching, all the emotions are there. Great work and good luck in contest.
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Dear lord jesus... I'm not even a christian, but I'm gonna have to call on jesus for this one... This poem is AMAZING!! Holy crap... wow.. There are so many good points to this poem.. I don't want to post the whole poem in this comment.. but I'll give you some of my favorites.
Snowflakes of glass pierce my skin, my lips, and my eyes
They carve as deep and cut as bad as everyone of your lies
Definately my favorite line. Wow I love the "snowflakes", that's absolutely brilliant. Great job.
I also loved all of the "turn the key, hit the gas" and they way you kept repeating it.. Great repition.. I loved it.
Amazing poem. I loved every bit of it. It was very sad... I'm in awe. Welcome to the finalist dear
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Pain with twists...thank you...
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awww... that was so sad. its never fun being in situations like that
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i'm so sorry that someone had the indecency to treat you like this and break you. I can but only imagine and weep inside. Know they are in wrong not you. Keep your life it's precious.
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i'm so sorry that someone had the indecency to treat you like this and break you. I can but only imagine and weep inside. Know they are in wrong not you. Keep your life it's precious.
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...sounds all to familiar. Beautiful words, great imagery, and your thoughts flow together like a stream. Pain is apart of life, and you've definately penned a beautiful disaster.
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wow this is a really sad and powerful story you have penned so beautifully. it flows so well as i'm reading it, and it reminds me of that sheryl crow and kid rock song "picture in picture" as i am reading this, great write and best of luck in the contest
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HOLY WOWWWWW!!!
this is so brillant!!! I can feel the pain and it made me get tears while reading it...it's so sad
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Sounds like the lyrics to a real sad song.
A very well written piece filled with sadness emotion and imagery.
Thank you for your entry and good luck in the contest.
Ed. -
excellent entry for anger.............
the ANGER turned desperately INSIDE OUT....seeking
to escape it's CLAWS AND PAIN....
some memories can truly singe and burn!
well written,
flawless,
hell...this could even be a great song!
ears/Seattle
welcome to the finalist list!
Thankyou for your entry!
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wow it does sound like you were having one heck of a night. Hope this really didn't happen to you. You wrote this wonderfully by the way. thanks for sharing it with us. And thanks for entering it into our friends of trekkergirl reading list.
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Wow.....
this write was vivid and powerful. I could visualize the whole chaotic scene as if i was experiencing it myself. YOU ARE TRULY TALENTED! And i'm sorry you had such a bad night. Even more deeply saddened if the first part of this happened to you......
i couldn't EVER IMAGINE cheating on someone i'm with, even if it's not actual love.....
take care hun
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You have answered this prompt very well. The emotion is raw, one can feel the pain. Excellent write.
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wow..i am truly really sorry for the pain you had to go through.. and wow...this poem was amazing..i felt all of the pain and anger and saddness..im truly very sorry.. great job and good luck
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a really bad night is right... i hope this didnt really happen to you... i mean the first part... obviously you're not dead
better off comin over n sharin some of that whiskey an havin a good nite with us,
hugs,
georgie,
xxx
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