a sphere
of silver light
moves slowly to your sky;
above the ocean, white desires
unfold
In a list
A contest entry
- whiter words by Nicolette.
1500 points, ended November 20, 2008, 33 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 33 of 33
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A beautiful sound to this poem... It is so tender and gentle, and yet the emotion is strong. Lovely.
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A very nice way of describing the moon, love the flow and the thought do not think there is anything else to add the poem is complete,enjoyed
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So soft and pure...
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Hoodwinked!
Very beautiful again. I really love writing about the moon as well. This is a stunning piece of work you have here. Keep it up.
Always write from the heart
Never give up
Kate
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HOODWINK
Everywhere that MariGoes, such splendid talent flows and flows!
Your poem is a real beauty, good poet.
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and love is seen there in the white desires..love the image and the beauty of the thought behind the words..wonderful poetry indeed...
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I remember this poem, and later i think i saw a moon view that had this... bright and filled the sky and brought the imagination to fullness...this is wonderful... h
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Thank you
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This is such a gorgeous write. I loved it. I love the imagery and the words. I love the title as well. It is the title of one of my favorite songs by The Black Ghosts. You should listen to that song and the band's other songs. They are incredibly awesome!
Much love
Ylova
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This is a gorgeous cinquain. Your words create such lovely imagery. I, too, enjoyed the subtle alliteration. Thanks for sharing.
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This is lovely poetry, Mari. I loved the images, the softness and especially the way the s-sound fall off the tongue and on the ear...such subtle way of applying alliteration. I really liked this - also the way "white desires" hang - like the moon.. Beautiful.
Thank you for this lovely entry.
~ Nicolette
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There is such softness to this white. Technically speaking, the repeated "S" sound just glides us right through ,like the moon moving through the darkness. And I just loved the unexpected internal rhyme of light and white. For me, it added that perfect emphasis on the word white, and made the picture so clear. "white desires" is just a perfectly coined phrase. Lovely words!
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this is something good, i mean that i like this poem very much, keep it flowing and good luck in the contest
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I was looking for the full moon and it was gone. lol.
soft delicate write of your feelingas.
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so beautiful mari, i really feel the 'whiter words' of this one..
"above the ocean, white desires
unfold"
very,very lovely!
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That's the power of symbolism, that the moon can cause such emotions, can embody desires, needs etc.
There is a simple process here that I like...the moon moving...arriving, like a gift, a promise, a bond...unfolding those emotions like a wrapped gift from one soul to another.
And I bet you thought I wouldn't get it!
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Wow, William Shakespeare commented below! I can't beat that!
White as in "white-hot" as in...flame...
or white could mean cold, though desires aren't cold, so ignore that.
There is the sharing, the moon belongs to two...from one to another, unity, togetherness, all that stuff.
But there is something in that phrase, "white desires unfold." Maybe I'm just looking at it upside down but I feel there is more there than has been stated.
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thoughts have colors ...wonderful imagery in the short rich verses here... very beautiful poem...h
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very sensual I like *S*
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impressive! very beautiful, like the moon is itself; you really captured its essence in these few words
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Wow. This was beautiful. I loved it...your photo is amazing too.
Great write!
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beautiful thoughts portraying your favourite moon...
the photograph on your page in a masterpiece...
good luck...
mina
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in the dark light, you write
and it is about something white
I saw your photos of the moon
I am amazed by how you take them
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Ah, moon keeps on inspire me and I always take my camera when I know she is showing, actually she dances in the sky, a slow dance
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"white desires unfold" lovely words...beautiful good luck
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a lovely sphere like feel, from what you have written, moving slowly to a crescent maintaing that white effect.
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Ms Goes, you and a pen were made for each other when the moon is high. --- Thank you.
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what a lovely comment Eric, thank you for being always so kind
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Ah, a perfect white
artfully conjured
against the dark night.
M-C
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Thanks M, I had it different, but lost the original
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Don't you just hate when that happens?
Fate snubbing its nose at us!!!
But your end result, very alluring. -
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So frustrating when we want to remember the exact words and memory fails, specially when there are so few words...
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