I want to breathe you in,
hold you, as if you were
the only thing that keeps
this lonely heart afloat
but you are faraway
and I, am in a desert
that draws the life from me,
a fish out of water
that gasps in final throes
as life slips away.
In a list
A contest entry
- Passing A Note To All Poets by Dalaney.
750 points, ended November 23, 2008, 23 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
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Such a sad love note full of longing. Thank you so much for entering, Michael. Love, Lane
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Ugh........tummy punch!
This is a heart wrencher MJ!!! The fish metaphor leaves the impression of Alaska to me. And far away in a desert speaks to me of something that removes the emotional connection through other means..........
But, it is intense and I feel the pain in it.
Good poem.,
castaway
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so sad. Breathe damnit. lol.
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"that gasps in final throes
as life slips away."
I feel this piece pull on me, trying desperately to hang on.
Very emotion write. Beautiful
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awww...wow....so powerfully drenched in longing and sorrow. nicely done and good luck in the contest
Stephanie ♥
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After I read your poem I went back and checked out the contest requirements. As always, Lane's contests ask the writer to draw on their innermost feelings and you've most definitely answered the call.
This was a write that came from the depths of your heart and as a fine poet told me only yesterday, there are very few who can write from the heart with total honesty...you have, my dear! My best wishes to you in the contest.
Love Margaret
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This held onto my heart and refused to let go, you write straight from your heart and it proves so amazing. Best to you in the contest
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This is such a lovely write. It sort of brought tears to my eyes. I can relate to this so very much. I absolutely loved this and I mean it. Truly beautiful. This is definitely a winner.
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Tender write... Im sure it would swoon the ladies, your last dying thought of her... a romantic tragedy. good luck in the contest
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Wow.. what depth of longing in this.. and a hopelessness to it that it would never be fulfilled.
Stunning write MJ! I can surely relate to these feelings.
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I think the older one gets, the more they feel that slipping. Just keep trying to regain that footing.
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