`
i.
Her own self in the grayness
of a fading memory,
dancing in
a silent wound
of a promise
ii.
She closes her eyes
in salsa
and believes in the hands
of sex through tango
`
A contest entry
- Picture Prompt... by ariazephyrzoe.
1000 points, ended November 21, 2008, 18 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
-
I love how you depicted it as a dance of fate...the girl hasn't completely moved on...foolishly thinking [or maybe it's the way I think too lol] that the attachment is still there...with the salsa.
No man is an island, it takes two to tango as they say.
Hensley,
Thank you for supporting me with my contest. Salamat talaga. You're supposed to help me judge haha
Anna Lee
-
-
Simply...
....amazing! I love how you depicted two completely different views, yet both very much complimented each other in equal parts strength! Reading below I also admire your humble attitude and I can tell you take great pride in perfection...well done!
-
do you really want a constructive crit? people write that but when they get them they always get upset!
honestly, you are a fantastic writer and I love to read your poetry. this poem would be stronger for me if you replaced the word "whisper" with something less often used but that conveys the same feeling. to put it another way, the first stanza reminds me of other poems I have read, so it doesn't come out with as much of an impact as I think you are seeking. but that is just my humble opinion and I have stacks and stacks of poems all over my house that I use as coasters, tables, whatever...because they need to be revised and rewritten! sometimes I only keep one sentence or image from a poem and then dump the rest of it. NOT that I am suggesting that here, so much as I am sharing that an opinion is only that, an opinion, and sometimes the lines we like least are the best, or the ones we can't part with are the worst...life likes to play with us that way.
-
-
Hi , I have adjusted my poem again and hopefully you'll have time to comment and see if I have progressed or not.
-
I agree. I have been re-writing most of my works lately. I will definitely take your suggestion. I am really thakful with the honesty of opinion that you gave. I will grow with the lessons that I get from fellow poets here, I always do.
Thanks again Zayra, you are truly a poet that shares her gift and sees the potential of others.
-
Adding your comment:
1 - 6 of 6
