Fingers trace the pulse
of electric surrender.
Skin's response to tingle,
then shiver with delight.
Heart rate soars
near perfect rapture.
Touch me
so that I may die
in your hands.
Bring me back to life
with your sweet kiss,
then touch me again,
and again and again.
Killing me softly
with your touch.
In a list
A contest entry
- i watched her die many times. by Death of the Author.
700 points, ended November 16, 2008, 18 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
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Yum, excellent first lines.
Skins = skin's (I think)
tingle, shiver with delight - I think one or the other there
heart rate soars - a bit redundant, wherease near perfect rapture is nice and different.
touch me
so that I may die
in your hands. - the simplicity works very well there
ending isn't as strong as I'd hoped. I like the idea, but making it a bit more punchy would certainly lift the poem, leaving a lasting impression.
Not bad at all though, swift and fleeting which is fitting really.
Thanks for entering
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Oh Gosh, now that is certainly a surrender. Well written with an excellent flow.
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Brillant. I love this poem so much! Especially,
"Bring me back to life
with your sweet kiss"
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And again and again and again!
Continue to touch me until I explode
into heavens blissful lust
This is amazing!
I love every bit of it ...
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