Come closer my love
I want to die in your arms
Kisses like sweet melodies
Are like the touch of heaven
upon my heart
Caress my pale skin
How I love your touch
The warmth of your breath
Upon my neck
Sends shivers down my spine
Make love to me again
I long to die in your arms
For to be with you in the most
carnal way
Gladly would I die a thousand
times for you
Ravish me darling and please
dont stop
Dont you long to know the most
insides of my soul
I shall be like a flower
Blooming underneath your touch
So take me now
As two become one
Our passions shall unfold upon
velvet sheets
Take me to heights never foreseen
And I can promise you my love
I shall die once more for you
A contest entry
- i watched her die many times. by Death of the Author.
700 points, ended November 16, 2008, 18 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
-
I like the star background (I always use it for the side background), it's just a little distracting, maybe swap the two around? No biggy though, nothing that will affect your chances.
I have to say that a lot of what you wrote is quite cliched, although it is neatly done. I always have the problem of taking prompts too literally so I can relate. Try using some more imaginative imagery. "Show don't tell" - I hate that phrase but I think it fits here. Rather than say
"Caress my pale skin
How I love your touch
The warmth of your breath
Upon my neck"
Try something different, that no one has though of before.
Having said all that, I actually quite liked it. It has a very likable, sincere quality to it. Thank you for your entry, I hope you take my comments in the way they're intended.
Adding your comment:
