sinew and bone
eyes as grey as november
Eric was glum this morning
like a coyote in a hoody with
a thorn in his paw
"my cat died last night
she was my baby
she died in my hands..."
those hands
tattooed with a safety-pin God knows where
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Comments
1 - 18 of 18
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Like a lot
A fine showing of the character, the mood, the situation all drawn with admirable economy.
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Many of the 'rough and tough' have hearts that are soft and gentle. You have shown that here. Excellent write.
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Fifty words from Eric to where...and what an astonishing journey poetically centrifying this character...a man hollowed and hewn...a man who was once tattoed the old-style way with pin and rat a tat tat of friends pin dipped into ink...lord the amount of children who did that when I was in the children's home...but I digress...loved the reference to eyes grey as november...this hard man...hardened by circumstance yet still soft-hearted and saddened by the loss of beloved cat...just touches the soul...reminds me slightly of Bukowski's One Tough Motherfucker...where he tells of saving Clementine and rates that as his greatest achievement....I like your longer writes dear poet...
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Thank you Yvette for your encouraging analysis. Eric did touch my soul the other morning with his sadness; the poem almost sprung right out of him.
Thanks for the footnote on Bukowski: I'll have to look that one up! -
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You are more than welcome...
I felt that dear poet...you can find that particular Buk'shot over at Oldpoetry...we measure men by many things...usually by some kind of statistic...but what better way to measure a man than by the way he naturally treats animals...no wonder Eric's sadness touched your soul...
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You have painted a picture with few words and much emotion. Really well done. 'eyes as grey as november' is very strong.
Here, a bobby-pin is a hair slide; institution tats are usually made with a safety pin, but the idea is the same.
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Thanks for the heads-up on "bobby-pin", Mercedes. My son is a hairdresser and it would likely make him roll his eyes!
I'll have to correct the line, I don't like "safty pin"; I might have been thinking of baby pins as in diaper pins but that doedn't work either...If you have a thought please forward it along! -
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safety pin is what we call diaper pin, I guess. maybe pin on its own, needle or wire - you still need an s on knows, or on gods lol.
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i absolutely love
eyes as grey as november... what a wonderful image.. stark, accurate.. wonderful
with each read i add an s on knows... is that right?
a very poignant, open feel to this..
m
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Thank you, Mary.
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Very full of emotion...although...I am getting mixed ideas as to what emotions...good write nonetheless
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...the emotions are mixed!
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reminds me that there is sensitivity and compassion on the insides of those you would think otherwise on the outside
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I like the snapshot moment of this, I don't think you need the 2 'as' in the second line...'eyes grey as november' is just as strong. Also I think it needs to be 'God knows where'
Seems to give off that silent strength with powerful images yet retains the fact all of us can be soft and caring given the situation. I like the juxtaposition of it.
C
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'eyes grey as november' ...
thanks for your suggestion ,"Cannonsfire". I've had a lot of good help like that on AP to teach me to "prune" my poetry. I settled on "eyes as grey as november" perhaps because of my accent :'eyes grey as november' is more halting spoken by a North American than by others (such as Ausrtailians) with more musical voices.
'God knows where' is an oversight. Thanks for pointing it out...I'll see to that! -
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You're welcome, don't know about Aussies being musical, most would say our accent rasped like nails down a blackboard lol but nevertheless only too happy to help if I can C
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That may but true, but it's still more musical than the thuding wood of someone from Southern Ontario.
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chuckles...I will look out for that one then
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