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My Juliet...

I felt so small
So diminished
She lay on her stone bed
So cold, so beautiful

The blush in her cheeks gone, the
Red rose of this past love faded
Its petals pale,
Its leaves dry as parchment

My Juliet...

Her life over...
My sun eclipsed

To do without
My Juliet...

This knife clatters to the floor
I feel no pain, save for that caused by the loss of my love.
I look in her eyes
[So like gems in life]
And breathe my last for my only...

My love...

My Juliet...

Author notes

Key word - rose

A contest entry

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
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    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 15 of 15

  • ea silver member
    December 10, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    well, I see you have been working on your own version of this; a good study! I can really feel Romeo's breathlessness here.


  • madamcb
    December 1, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Applause, applause. I truly enjoyed this wonderful write, thanx, conni


  • x-sweet-sunshine-x
    November 30, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Great job Lilzipan!

    The poem was great, and I loved the word choice. I escpecially like the last two lines.

    ps! I looked it up! Romeo does kill Paris! XD

    Good luck and thanks for entering!

    <= teehee!


    • my02U
      January 20
      Edit | Reply
      be quiet! he doesnt does he? ur joking! he only kills tybalt, and thats because tybalt killed mercutio.

      02U


      • x-sweet-sunshine-x
        January 20
        Edit | Reply
        Nope, in Juliet's tombstone gravey thing he gets all angry when he sees Paris there, and goes crazy and kills him


        • my02U
          January 20
          Edit | Reply
          noooo! he stabs paris in the stomach but paris doesnt die, b/c it doesnt say he did and no inferences in shakespeare! ha ha!

          02U


          • x-sweet-sunshine-x
            January 20
            Edit | Reply
            >.< I didn't make the inference. My book did. It's one of those icky abridged versions.


            No! I am right! I looked it up - this is what it says in the script:

            PARIS
            O, I am slain!

            Falls

            If thou be merciful,
            Open the tomb, lay me with Juliet.

            Dies


  • riasme
    November 20, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    this is beautiful!! >.< it strongly remined me of the ballet I went to last spring. it was beautiful I like the "her life eclipsed..." analogy.


    • my02U
      November 22, 2008
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      ha ha kind of stole that from the original cover idea for New Moon... lol im cruel!


  • fairytalelovestory
    November 19, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    this is so sad. and very beautiful. a very enjoyable read. ty.


  • Catie Sheeran gold member
    November 19, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    beautiful piece you have penned
    this is lovely


  • liduen silver member
    November 15, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    *cries* I especially like the last bit

    I entered this contest too. dundundun

    Random comment on what you said in response to KT: TC is like an oven...and it shatters my eardrums


  • StarIlluminated
    November 14, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Wow lilli this is uh-MAZING!! It's really really descriptive and really really awesome and I really really like it and that's a lot of reallys isn't it. haha.

    *KT*

    btw are u going to TC tonight?


    • my02U
      November 15, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Thanks! No, I'm not going (didn't go at this point) I had Soup Kitchen at Our Lady of Fatima. TC is too loud. I get migranes. Really bad migranes.

      Luv ya a really really lot,
      lovey

1 - 15 of 15