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Missunderstood

Purified fucking relentlessness
It is raising through my veins
Deep inside I feel unbearable distress
From the black hole that thaws my soul within
The knot in my throat is tightening
And my rage in my blood is gurgling
Colourless exhausted eyes are slowly filling
Rejection makes the tears finally stream

I am dreaming of the day
That you will take me by surprise
Lost in thought of a loving grasp
That has passion in your eyes
My pain is worsening as I continue longing
Why is it eating me up with unheard cries
All I am wanting is a little romance
To make a girl feel how she should.....

Emotions to {you} that are so missunderstood

In a list

A contest entry

does this flow ok?

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
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Comments


  • Deprived-of-Reason
    July 29

    Edit | Reply
    This is absolutely amazing. God, i love your work. So heartfelt raw and true. So many emotions tangled into a weave of chaos.
    I really enjoy reading your poem. Maybe i can relate to alot of your feelings the hollowness, the needs for proper affection, our definition of proper affection.
    Your writing is absolutely wonderful.
    Great write,
    great form!
    keep on expressing yourself, you do it beautifully!


  • Beautiful-N-Broken gold member
    March 9

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    I am dreaming of the day
    That you will take me by surprise
    Lost in thought of a loving grasp
    That has passion in your eyes
    My pain is worsening as I continue longing
    Why is it eating me up with unheard cries
    All I am wanting is a little romance
    To make a girl feel how she should.....

    Emotions to {you} that are so missunderstood


    Yeah and I wish I could say this to my boyfriend of over a year. Who says he wants to marry me and spend his life with me but doesn't do anything about it. Men..


  • Walking Oxymoron gold member
    November 16, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    There it is!1 That genius first line!!

    Yeah, you do!

    (Should line 2- be racing through my veins? )

    I am dreaming of the day
    That you will take me by surprise
    Lost in thought of a loving grasp
    That has passion in your eyes

    I loved that part, the rhythm is perfect, the flow is great. It just 'goes' so nicely. Wonderful!


  • csmmoms2
    November 16, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    Really lovely

    I feel like I'm reading Sylvia Plath in style and structure. You show great form dear poet! -c