There is something going on over there.
I can smell it in the air with squinted eyes.
Musty mixture of coal and the smell of burning logs.
Something is going on over there.
Smoke rises above the brick fence as if marshmallows were being roasted.
Yells and screams echo like the seashore in a shell.
What is going on over there?
There is a hammer that steadily beats at the pace of heart.
“Bang. Bang. Bang.”
A dog barks and growls and you can hear him pulling on a chain.
A sinister laughter can be heard off in the far distance.
Shouting can be heard as if something of value were found.
A house looms in the distance like a Sherlock Homes mystery.
What the hell is going on over there?
A bell rings three times as if summoning church goers.
You can hear people shuffle like a deck of cards.
The smell – is taint- of liquor in the growing fumes.
There is a shot that rings out in the nearby distance.
What is happening over there?
A contest entry
- 24ish Hour Contest by Polaja.
850 points, ended November 17, 2008, 11 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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This is the great portrait into the mind of someone thinking a little too deeply, which we are all guilty of from time to time. Unless something really is going on over there
. I like this write, it rings with something I didn't see in your previous writings (I haven't read a poem from you in a year and a half). I guess the best way to put it is that the story is not complete and requires the reader to figure it out (or make it something completely different). Good job with this and best of luck.
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This poem has some very good imagery in it - I think that centering it interrupts the flow of the poem - but that is just me - my favorite part of this was the shuffling like cards (I think someone else mentioned it too) - nicely done!
Thank you for entering
Polly
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love the line "you can hear people shuffle like a deck of cards" very interesting and curious
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Pretty interesting. I think the way you phrased the whole of the poem worked to your advantage. You really put forth effort. I enjoyed this greatly.
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i like it
I just finished re-reading "For Whom the Bell Tolls" and this makes me think of what the local peasants might have been thinking while all that was going on. "Hey there's something going on by the bridge...."
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this is really great, i like the idea of trying to look over the fence so to speak to see what other people are doing that it might be more interesting than waht you're doing, best of luck in the contest
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this is a good write and i like your use of words, i could hear the dog barking and the sound of the chain, every line is so vivid, good luck with the contest
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