She blinks the sorrow from her eyes
Pockets her emotions and raises up
From the seat she’s been occupying
For the last past year
She has to catch up with that train,
The one with the broken station,
And dangling hopes of yesterdays.
Thus, she takes down the stairs,
Counting the fingers of her steps
In whispers…
In dark colors of blue she stands
On solid ground of stones and bricks.
Grey is her world, shades of black and white
Trees with no leafs of colors
The wind blows gently yet, cuts like razors
Sending her silk hair down to the ground.
She’s too occupied in mourning the past
To bend down and pick them up
She just stands there waiting for the train
The one that’ll never arrive…
Alerted, anticipated, eager...
But yet another year does pass
Maybe the clouds will rain
And wash her body, soul and mind.
Maybe her voice will rise over a hiss
So she can scream her whispered sorrows
But…
Until then she’ll just be
Waiting
…
Author notes
Contest prompt:
#3:- Whispered sorrows...
I want whatever this sentence means to you deep sadness, sorrow despair, emotion!!
Imagine credit: http://iribel.deviantart.com/art/Waiting-For-The-Train-64105293
I changed alot of it now but still I feel like it lacks something, hmm. Would appreciate any help. 
Thanks for reading!
In a list
A contest entry
- Want a contest that has a prompt, want to make my day?? Enter here on the dotted line by FreeTara.
525 points, ended November 18, 2008, 8 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 19 of 19
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"She blinks the sorrow from her eyes
Pockets her emotions and raises up"
This was beautiful.
Truly, truly wonderful
Shelly
x -
the imagery was gorgeous and the flow of this poem really turned it into a masterpiece
definately one of my favourites
id have to pick ''The wind blows gently yet, cuts like razors
Sending her silk hair down to the ground.
She’s too occupied in mourning the past
To bend down and pick them up'' as my favourite lines
a great write i had to comment again 
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i love the passivity yet strength in this...
[Pockets her emotions and raises up]
this is a great line...pockets her emotions...how great just carefully hiding away our feelings all the time every one of us...so true
pleasure to read
so softly-spoken x
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holy crap
this is actually AMAZING.
this poem was beautiful and it captivated me completely as i started reading.
the imagery was beautiful and everythign about this was amazing.
seriously, I LOVED it.
i felt like i coudl really relate, especially to the first stanza, which was written amazingly.
one thing i would do differently is not write in capitals every line, btu thats just me. and also the last line in the third stanza 'of colors' i think should be 'or colors'
unless im just stupid and i dont know how to read properly :S
completely disregard me if you want
haha kay im done now, wow that was a long comment. hope you enjoy aha
♥EmmaRiley -
She blinks the sorrow from her eyes
<<< i could just imagine the tears being forced away
you really have such a beautifull yet subtle way of writing
take care -
( wishes i could give more then 3 applauds)
omg might i say..AMAZING!!! this poem has so much meaning like a book every verse a charpter ever line filled with words that pull the reader in deeper and deeper not even wanting to blink just keep reading and readin, once again i will say..AMAZING!!!
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I wish i could have given everyone gold, this really was amazing i really really liked how you have written this is just gave me goost bumps in a good way
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Excellent
This poem, because of the last word, reminds me of a play called: "Waiting for Godot". A very fine write, indeed. Thanks for sharing this one.
For those who haven't heard of the above play, here's a Google Link to click on:
http://www.google.com/search?sourceid=navclient&ie=UTF-8&rls=RNWO,RNWO:2008-24,RNWO:en&q=%3CWaiting+for+Godot+%2D+play%3E -
wow. I really enjoyed reading this piece. I try to portray the idea of a depressed beautiful girl, but I can't quite nail it down; you did. Everything so simple was related to the totally different world of depression. Wind cuts like razors and colorless leaves...I loved it. Great job!!! And good luck in your contests!
-Jessica
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Love it
Love the last verse, particularly the lines,
"Maybe the clouds will rain
And wash her body, soul and mind."
Also loved the phrase "dangling hopes of yesterdays."
Not sure about the "Last past decade" line though :S
Overall, great
xxx
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She blinks the sorrow from her eyes
Pockets her emotions and raises up
From the seat she’s been occupying
For the last past decade- THIS IS A GOOD FIRST VERSE, IM NOT SURE ABOUT ' THE LAST PASSED DECADE IT SOUNDS AWAKWARD* I LIKE THIS WHOLE IDEA OF WAITING, PERHAPS A LITTLE BIT OF REPITION OF THE WORD WAITING? I LIKE THIS THE SENSE OF SADNESS IS OVERWHELMING, I DO THINK IT NEEDS WORK THOUGH BUT I REALLY ENJOYED IT PS THE LAST VERSE IS GREAT DON'T CHANGE THAT!!! PLEASE
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Thank you so much, I indeed removed the three extra 'Waiting' in the before last stanza. Thanks for the help.
~Noor
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Such a great take on the prompt hon. I loved this! Great flow! I am speechless. Hehehe. Well done nad good luck in the contest.
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Maybe agree with Mr..but it has great potential! I think you want to say " Her anwer was a whisper stifled"..not stiffed...
I will be looking back again to see what you recreate here! and then applauding -
VERY DEEP EMOTIONS!!!!!
Oh yes, sometimes one feels so down and sad that as another tries to reach out and be friendly they don't hear with their heart and stay in their own little private world.'s
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I love the structure the flow and everything about this piece, the way you ised the gentlemen and the curved words in the iron its beautiful and deep had me aching at my heart, if you plan to revise thats ok but i love this piece either way
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Nice poem. I know you said you're going to change it, but as it is, it's kind of flat. You make a good start at imagery, but it's not very colorful. And I think the rhythm is just a little too repetitive.
But I'm only saying this becaus you asked for criticism and I want to help, it was a good poem, and really nice to read.
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That's exactly what I thought as well. thanks for confirming my doubts, lol.
I'll revise it soon, and maybe remove the gentleman completly, I think that'll be better.
Thanks for the help, Mr.
~Noor -
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Glad I could help.
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