i am
crazy since birth
but with tendencies
towards the normals
the woman who knows better
and the girl who does not
still unable to make it through
a june sixteenth without wanting
to die or at least sleep for longer than 10 hours
i cry at commercials and sappy country songs
because i cant cry when it counts
or when i want to
i pick apart my face until
someone comes on too strong
and then i go back to the insides
of my mouth
which scares me secretly
because i keep thinking
i will get mouth cancer
with all them open spaces
and the cigarettes i smoke
like they are going out of style
and i have to use them up
i rock myself to sleep at night
body curled into a ball
of toes and top of head
and occasionally will even
suck my thumb
to calm the child inside
that is too awake
to sleep
misuse of my body
has caused a lifetime of
discontent and unintentional
intentions that seem to
be taking place all over
my world
while still a child
i grew accustomed to language like
children are seen not heard
its only a phase
you will grow out of it
and i kept quiet
but i never grew out
of the phase
and today i am an adult
who tells herself
that their is someone out there
just like me
i just have to find them
my only light comes from a child i rarely see
and she in turn came from the depths of my body
and i thought her up
and she appeared
wrinkly and real
i lose myself sometimes
in that universe where
i am the only one
and i let ani sing me into
my next bad day
i guess i am
the crazy girl
who loves everyone
but cannot offer any more
than that
the crazy girl
who still screams
and stays messy
and contemplates things
like sticking my head in an oven
because how sweet would that death be
the crazy girl that does not know who she is
but will try to write about it anyway
just to say she tried and failed
again
Author notes
errr ... to me ...
A contest entry
- Reader meet Author by george the 23rd.
1500 points, ended December 3, 2008, 13 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - enter your best piece on the site. (favorites only) by heaven all alone.
400 points, ended November 20, 15 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 14 of 14
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Once again, the honesty and emotion present in this write really touched me. The never-ending defiance in the face of struggling. You are a unique, strong creature,
and I applaud your courage in facing these collective demons. -
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love this
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god damn, fucking phenomenal.
youre amazing woman! -
Aw hon, everybody is just trying to make it through this adventure we call life ... sometimes you're whirling and flying and sometimes you've got your head stuck in an oven with your finger on the trigger. Most of the time though, you're just skimming the surface and asking yourself what it all means. I guess it all just comes down to how much you want to exist.
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this is so sick and brutally honest, truth ful and just straight up amazing.
:]]]]]
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Honest.
Effecting, but not effected,
beautiful.
a bouquet of sorrow and emptiness,
still unable to make it through
a june sixteenth without wanting
to die or at least sleep for longer than 10 hours
I really love that. sad and a little bit funny. that's where it's at
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Sometimes I wonder if this is the curse of the artistically talented as I have a quote on my page that in states:
"All the people in history, literature, art, whom I most admire: Mozart,
Shakespeare, Homer, El Greco, St.John, Chekhov,Gregory of Nyssa,
Dostoevsky, Emily Bronte: not one of them would qualify for a mental-
health certificate."
I could relate to from the first line to the last and I can easily admit that you are far from alone. Thank you for having the guts to put such to words.
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oh. aint that the best quote. i am gonna run by your page now . i have guts my problem is finding things to do with them ... haha!!
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I am a quote fanatic!!
and hey... that sounds like an admirable trait to me, ha
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I don't have words... Sacred comes to mind, holy...
All I can say, is if the other entries in this contest don't step up their game... I had to back away from the computer and smoke two cigarettes before I could even come back and re-read this piece. This is the honesty I was looking for, the soul-scouring introspection and deep inventory. You and Cinnary are the only two poets I've come across on here that can literally deliver a physical blow to me through the strength of your words.
This made my heart contract and brought me to tears.
(and like you, I can't cry when I need to. Usually. This poem proved the exception to that rule.)
I can relate to this piece throughout every last stanza.
You amaze me that you can come up with work this raw and real with such alarming frequency. Thank you.
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your comment just about brought me to tears ... thank you! so much for the compliments . especially on a piece like this where i feel so naked and thrown in the middle of times square on new years eve ... haha ...
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Chin UP
I have walked the road of these feelings and still do on many days...I have a decent life, but sometimes that doesn't seem to fill the empty void I find still deep inside of me. This is a good piece on yourself. I would try to do the same, but I think it would turn into a fucking novella. Great write. ~Gypsy~
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maybe a novella isnt such a bad thing ...
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