Deep snow
and paper birch—
north-country life breathes deep
within the awesome silence of
white light
Author notes
Traditional Cinquain
A contest entry
- whiter words by Nicolette.
1500 points, ended November 20, 2008, 33 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
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Lovely!
I like the scene you paint here with this form. Serene & peaceful. Very descriptive & full for a short write! All the best in the Contest! 
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I like the images and the mood you've created here...yes, white is silent/silence and vice versa. There is a lovely serenity and pastoral feel about this piece which really spoke to me.
A lovely cinquain! Thank you for this entry.
~ Nicolette
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This takes me back to all the childhood walks in the bush.
Thanks for the memories. beautiful
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Such a beautiful sight you provided with your words. I have witnessed that white silence in long time, and even though I'm not crazy about Winter, after reading your cinquain I felt like being where lots of snow fall again.
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loved it
I can smell the snow
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this is filled with descriptive beauty ...lovely piece
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contrasted one sense to connotation
the last two lines served that nuanced ending I think we're suppose to compose towards in these types of poems!
makes me think opposite from distracting difficulty of 'white noise' but how amazing quietly eyed for respiratory recomposure "white light" can be. especially in environment you showed it was finishing touch to. like with hour tuned in without loud glare interrupting point to be gotten.
the second verse stands out as though for writing nature's mark through weather title. my favorite lead into understanding the sigh of observing as folded in. However, "deep" from that context's L1 is repeated in the effect "north-country life breathes deep" which may be intended to signify not suffocating flourish. but if it just came out that way, you may want to work on one of the words replaced with another signature of the scene or impact.
I'm glad to to have felt along,
called Carolyn -
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Hey, I really appreciate your comment and your input. But, I'm having trouble understandng your third paragraph there. Perhaps you could clarify a bit?
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TrippinBTM I'll try once more
I wanted you to know the double use of "deep" is consicpuos in such a short piece, and yet subtle because of variation with it -- so having to watch for that isn't for the strictest concern. as one is more solid: I enjoyed the first of such emphases poetically, but personally the second pulls me also... interesting to catch two physical ways softly measured, how state of matter affects affects another.
so it's up to you if changing echo sort of.
sorry my reading scribbles a little ~
I guess I had a case with my thinking cap the way my daughter said 'what happened to his hat, oh there it is again' if I got around to improvement?
called Carolyn -
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ah, ok, that helps. Thank you, I will consider it
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