I
Hazel eyes absorb a world of wonder,
cities floating through the sky
half concealed among the clouds,
mermaids dancing in the sea
half revealed among the foam,
and camouflaged away from human sight
elven nations thriving all around the world.
Nimble hands explore
paper wood and plastic,
creating new inventions week by day.
Supersonic aircraft zoom through hallway canyons
and out across imaginary bays;
coffee table cities rise among the couches
busy with the sounds of industry; and
stellar ships and space ports emerge from bedroom closets—
precursors of a future yet to be.
II
Stormy eyes absorb a realm of slaughter,
cities rotting with the dead
overrun by demon hordes,
Gothic townships ever dim
overwhelmed by zombie mobs,
and everywhere, apocalyptic doom
drowns imagination with visions of the slain.
Frantic hands control
pixels bent on trauma,
with implements of every kind of war
wielded to the hymns of personal damnation,
gentleness made mad for battle-scores,
shooting hacking slaying, all discrimination
lost amid a growing thirst for more. And
steadily the will to think and learn is narrowed
to morbid rivulets of combat lore.
III
Steel gray eyes survey
silent flesh and burning bone,
columns pluming black against the darkness,
cities rubbled with dismay,
broken homes where broken mothers moan,
brick and mortar scattered through a halflight
fraught with holy terrors lurking deep in shadow
and sensor-tripped explosives stashed along the roadways.
Steady hands take aim,
crossing foes between the rigid hairs
of righteousness and training,
a firm belief that killing in the hallowed name is fair
ingrained through years of subtle inculcation.
Calloused fingers stroke the edge of death,
forever tense, prepared to deal
the fatal strike that leaves the twitching dead
left glaring up one final supplication.
In a list
Thoughts, Feelings, Interpretations, Experience:
Comments
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this is amazing. i have chills.
"calloused fingers stroke the edge of death"
"steadily the will to think and learn is narrowed/ to morbid rivulets of combat lore"
i like what you did with the structure a lot. would say the first section is the weak point, if this poem even has one. isn't nearly as visceral as the other two for me.
sounds to me like 3 points of view on the same scene, or perhaps 3 views of the same scene at different times.
whatever it is, i love it
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Well the first part is still nestled in innocence. The second part begins the corruption of that innocence, and the third part establishes this corruption. It's the creation of a monster from innocence. The corruption of imagination. The birth of a soldier.
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Wow, this is really good. I'm sitting here watching my husband play fallout and this kinda reminds me of that. It may take me a couple more reads to fully grasp everything, but from what I gathered, it's about a war of some sort that leaves things on the edge of death, or at least takes away their utopia. Very nice write! I hope to see more like it!
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Ah yes, war and the seeds of war exist within this poem. I'm glad you were able to enjoy the effort! Thanks for reading and leaving your thoughts.
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It is a very differnt style of poetry I like it but I think I need to read this again a few times to understand it its a little over my head...thats not saying it isnt good, but my level of understanding just isnt there yet with this one. I will re read it though.....
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Yea it's a tricky write, even for me as the author. Hope you were able to enjoy it a little at least.
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yes I did I mean the imagery in it is great
Steel gray eyes survey
silent flesh and burning bone,
sent kind of an eerie tingle down my spine, that must be a horrible sight to witness and witness and witness hence the steel grey eyes....I'm taking it in peices
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Hmmm...another 3 part poem. It's ok, I guess. I see your talking about warfare of somesort?
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In part, yes. Each segment focuses wholly on its own domain.
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one tinsie, winsie, error
zahhar I over looked this the number 11 is spelled eleven possible missed it hitting the key pad, "I hate when i do that"""!!!!
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Not sure what you're referring to. :-/
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zahhar never mind my mistake!!! elven nations, I thought you were trying to spell the number 11 eleven soooo sorry
avatar1957 -
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Naw warries mate!
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Splendid!!!!
zahhar, your poem is deep with intense meaning in regards to the kind of world we live in. Isn't amazing two countries go to war and both countries cry out in prayer to the same "GOD" for victory!!!!
And, yes many people continue in our country any way to live for the almighty dollar, consumers numb to what is really important, yet what is important is a whole nother subject and poem waiting to be written.
Great Job!!!!!
Avatar1957
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Ah! That reminds me of a poem by Robert Service! It's titled "God's Grie". I think you'll enjoy it.
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Excellent
A very fine write, indeed. You express yourself quite well. Thanks for sharing this one with us. Again, well done. -
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Ah "pasted compliments". I was wondering what "express yourself [] well" had to do with this poem. Then I realized this looked similar to another comment made the day before--and there I found it, your comment on another entirely different poem yesterday, and exactly the same. This poem makes no effort to "express" anything, but to "depict" everything. So it's clear you didn't even read this but just came through posting the minimal number of characters necessary to get a couple of points.
Sad, really.
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wow
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This is beautiful and gripping in so many ways; you could pin this subject to one thing, or to any number of things. I cannot describe how incredibly beautiful this is ... thank you so much for sharing this! Please, teach me how to write an ode like this! Spill whatever secrets you can; I will listen to whatever you say.
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I plan on writing an article that will explain the "rules" of the synthetic ode. It probably won't happen all that soon since I'd like to write three or four more synthetic odes before I write the article, and it's been taking me considerable time to get to and through them.
Thanks for reading this, and for approving of the effort.
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For some reason this poem conjured visions of Ghurka destroying the cities of the Vrishis and Andhakas. Ancient nuclear war waged long ago in what is now known as the Mohenjo Daro area in India. Horror seems to inevitably repeat itself in the history of mankind which is reflected in the citation of a Bhagavad Gita quote after witnessing the first modern day nuclear test. And even these terrible inventions aren't among the worst mankind has become capable of. You expressed it well in an eloquent way in this poem. Thank you for creating and sharing. I enjoyed being on this page to read and ponder.
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I suppose that could have been a meteor, too. Depending on their composition, they can manage a fusion reaction on impact with the atmosphere or the earth.
Glad you enjoyed this effort. I've been pretty surprised by the disparity of reactions to this poem between here and at MySpace.
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Superb pen
WOW Erin your imagery and metaphors are exceptionally well done, and read fantatic aloud. I felt like I was living and fighting inside this RPG you've created -Warrior Elf here, Shanarra of Blackwood, Guardian of Faith's Crevass!
And I thank you for the visit to Mr Webster today, I had no idea what 'inculcation' was, I thought perhaps a typo, but am rewarded with a new word in my repertoire
Let the ink flow!
blessings, sandi
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One thing I enjoyed about Robert Service's poetry as I grew up was the fact that though he'd send me to the dictionary on a regular basis, he didn't do it so frequently that I became overwhelmed and lost interest in his works. I've always tried to adhere to this approach, though I don't always succeed.
Good to hear from you. It's been awhile.
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This poem is getting saved to my "favorites" file (assuming you don't mind), just so I can read it whenever I want. It's freakin amazing.
The only little thing I noticed wrong was when you said 'elvan' cities; it should be 'elven.' -
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Woho! You're right! I missed that somehow. Big bonus for you for catching that!
Glad you enjoyed, Sir.
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Gorgeous Flow!
The real world beckons now so I cannot give this the attention that I wanted to but wanted to say again that you deserve to be proud of your work! You are one of so few these days who truly do a favor for poetry, and your efforts are inspiring.
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Glad you liked, Christina. And if you find you have the time to comment further, as you seemed to suggest you might, I'll enjoy seeing what you'd have to say.
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that is really good i wish my stuff could say something that people could get it
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Well not all my poems are so easily gotten. If you want to read a poem of mine that only you could get, meaning you'd never guess what I as the author intended though you'd probably read something into it fairly vividly on your own, then have a look at my poem "Alchemy", posted a few months back. There is sometimes a certain appeal in not being understood.
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I can clearly see the thesis and antithesis, however the synthesis has lost the hopeful aspect of the thesis in the ultimate culmination of unresolved conflict. Without the constructive mode the destructive conquers all and even invoking "the hallowed name" results in a pervading sense of amorality.
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Yes this was an aspect of the thesis I didn't bother attempting to synthesize. Something for me to work on in future synthetic odes--synthesizing more layers of meaning. Great observation!
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Amazing. I can't even begin to describe how incredible this was written. Your words were beyong astounding and I was in complete awe throughout the entire thing. Keep it up.<3
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Glad you enjoyed. Thanks for reading and leaving your thoughts.
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You know Erin...
...that I'm on a first name basis with the folks at wikepedia because of you!LOL
Had to find out what transma...(right) means.
I liked it, schoolwork and all!
Very strong, germane throughout.
When you mentioned "coffee tables", I said to myself,
"Too late, he's in our parlors now!"LOL
Please accept the aforesaid gibberish as a positive comment.
Hope you are well old man!
Hope the upcoming holidays find you...!
Transmogrificating in Nevada,
John
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Ah if I could only get into the parlors of the academic elite! In time. In time.
Thanks for leaving your inspired thoughts upon reading this. I always enjoy seeing your reactions to my scribblings.
Glad you read and glad you enjoyed, John.
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amazing, as always
I and II the evolution of World of Warcraft in a nutshell. The latest version being the most violent and inhumane. Somewhat like real life, actually. The videos out of Congo, rubbled hovels in Palestine, what a voraciously aggressive species we are. III invocation of The Creator as just cause for the violence... sad. Perhaps we deserve ourselves. Thanks for posting this. I fear you are preaching to the choir.
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"Perhaps we deserve ourselves"--an all too scary and perhaps deserved statement.
Thanks for allowing me to see this poem through your experience. Yes, you and bentangel both have had great insights into this write. I'm very fortunate to have readers like you both.
Here's an interesting exercise for you. Try reading this poem again, but imagine one voice reading part I, another reading part II, and both together reading part III. Like in the Pindaric ode, parts I and II are meant to represent the thesis and antithesis--which would be recited by opposing choirs. But unlike the Pindaric ode, the optional one-line epode has been replaced by a mandatory stanzaic synthesis of the thesis and antithesis, which could be represented in Pindar's time as the two choirs joined together in recitation.
Be curious how this would affect your interpretation of the poem.
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overwhelmed by zombie mobs,
So maybe I shouldn't have been listening to Motley Crue while reading this because I got a plethora of images and ideas from this. In I I see the future of a child and in II I see that same child so involved in video games that is all he thinks about... In III.. I see war Erin and the aftermath of it all.... I know I am so off base,,, but I love that I can come back and read this and find something different each time!!!
All in all it was pretty dark for me,,, but I love dark writes!!
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Great insights. And I'm really glad you shared them with me. Do you by any chance sense or see how the three parts connect?
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How I think they connect? Well, the poet in me would think that it is the same child your speaking of through the birth from the "Hazel eyes absorb a world of wonder,
cities floating through the sky" because as infants all we really see is the sky unless someone looks down into where we are at blocking our view. Then ending with "Steel Gray eyes" Here I imagine someone so hardened that there eyes have changed color and that is all that is left for them.... Now... the realistic person says WORLD OF WARCRAFT.... I re-read this morning, my mind and surroundings quiet as I took this all in and found that it wasn't the music I was listening to that affected how I looked at this write, it was the music that you heard. The same music you make everyone hear when reading your writes!!!! LOVE IT STILL
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Excellent
Today is a misty gray kind of day /
This piece certainly woke up the pixels in my mind.
What a trip / well writ.
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I've fussed with the closing lines a bit since you posted. Thanks for the kudos. I'm glad you were able to enjoy and appreciate this effort.
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