I plastered post-it notes to the rear-view mirror and
two blatant cheap doors of your beat-up car, reminding you
of the aesthetic notes I had taken that one day in May
when you memorized the steps I took into your heart,
and I moved former infatuations to the corners of my mind
so you could capitulate the boundaries I immediately dug into
the soil [my blood] that boiled with brief nutritious factors [my emotions];
maybe you're not any good for me.
& that's when I cried myself to sleep,
sometime within the first few weeks of June,
you tightened the grip around my waist and dug yourself
even more deeper into my wretched skull that was already
cracked from my senses pushing against it so much,
warning me that I would only end up hurt in the end
but if I had listened to my common sense
that dangled in front of me when our bodies
would tie together infinitely too close
or I could feel your breath on my salt barricaded skin,
I wouldn't be writing about you right now.
But mid-July forced us to encounter our every disposition;
whether it was simply how fast I forgave the petty lies
or how long it took for me to swallow the truth.
Either way, we were swimming in our own pitiful shame,
yet you knew
how I felt the entire time
and I questioned the unquestionable
while you kicked me back and forth
somewhere between your ribcage
and your massacred lungs, and the only thing
my head was screaming
you will never be any good for me.
Almost seven months later
I compressed my built up strength to bury you somewhere
between 'lust' and 'love', before you could
destroy my fragile bones
[again],
-useless emotions[?]
only when I was strong enough to feel.
-wasted time[?]
never.
& today, November 14, 2008;
this is me,
not incomplete, but completely far from whole,
just another chapter in your storybook
another burden added to your soul.
♥
Author notes
YoureNoGoodForMe
2-It makes my heart sick when I remember all the good words and the broken promises.
-Chief Joseph
____________________________________
WARNING. This contest is completely unexpected. By entering, you are agreeing to the following terms of us:
- We have the right to make you write in any form/style/type of poetry there is on this planet. We will literally murder ourselves sometimes by trying to find even at least one bizarre form. But, then again, you may have easy things too. Or maybe not. You never know.
- We have the right to make you vote for other contestant. You may have to vote other contestants out, or vote to give contestants immunity, or even vote them president, or never vote for them at all. Again, you never know. We don't know either.
- We have the right to eliminate as many people as we want. We may not eliminate anyone until like the second last round. Or we may eliminate almost everyone in the first round and have the contest super short. Again, you never know!
- We have the right to make you write on any genre. Monkeys from another planet, hope, hatred, beauitful underwear. Please don't enter if you are easily offended, as you may have to write on some touchy or controversial topics. Or, you may not. You just can't tell!
- We have the right to disqualify you if we are not pleased by your behaviour, or actions, or something with your poetry (though, most likely not the last one). Though, this is unplanned, you still need to be respectful.
- We have the right to be completely honest with your work. Whatever we say is only said to help you improve as a poet.
- We have the right to run this contest any way we want to. Because thats the way it goes.
- We have the right to throw any twists into this contest as we want to, especially if is for our own amusement.
- Mostly, we have the right to make you grow as a poet, and enjoy yourself.
reworded:
- We have the right to make you become a better poet and have fun.
I, YoureNoGoodForMe [or Amanda
] agree that I have read these terms of use and will hereby abide by the law.
A contest entry
- lotsa quotes!!!! by upperworld06.
650 points, ended December 3, 2008, 12 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - UNPLANNED: as unexpected as you [preliminary round] by Never Fall in Love.
400 points, ended December 22, 2008, 27 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
feedback would be greatly appreciated :D
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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Yes
Okay, I have made up my mind. I think that this piece defiantly shows a lot of potential.
However, some things you may want to work on for the future:
watch out for cliches. Yes, I commend so of your literal, raw phrasing, because that is where you really brought out the emotion, but in other parts like crying yourself to sleep and useless emotions I have spotted in many pieces.
Also, watch-out for run-on sentences too.
I do have to say, however, some of your creative visuals were awesome! Thanks for the entry. -
yes.
I'm not particularly fond of this poem but I know what you can do. This borderlines between rant and poem and you should watch that - because the more or less is all that counts.
You still however, have to wait for ryan's decision. -
Undecided
I need to dwell on this for a little longer and read it a couple more times before I make my final decision.
Please wait patiently I know practically everyone else in the contest has been judged right now, but I need time with this one
Thanks, Ryan. -
i love it. good luck
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wow this is amazing and so sad. great job, good luck
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Wowww. I loved this!
"I plastered post-it notes to the rear-view mirror and
two blatant cheap doors of your beat-up car, reminding you
of the aesthetic notes I had taken that one day in May
when you memorized the steps I took into your heart"Geezlawheez hoemuffin, how DO you come up with this stuff?! Absolutelayyy loved the imagery and "memorizing the steps into your heart". Gawd, that is BEYOND BRILLANT !
"you tightened the grip around my waist and dug yourself
even more deeper into my wretched skull that was already
cracked from my senses pushing against it so much,
warning me that I would only end up hurt in the end"Metaphors = LOVE.You have such a wonderful way of pushing your emotions into these metaphors and expanding them into something so much more than just images and words.
"and I questioned the unquestionable
while you kicked me back and forth
somewhere between your ribcage and your massacred lungs, and the only thing
my head was screaming
you will never be any good for me"Veryyyy powerful lines, hoe. Especially with the wrods "kicked", "massacred" and "screaming". You really captured how it feels to be trapped in someplace you really just don't want to be, and I don't mean physically, but mentally and emotionally.
"this is me,
not incomplete, but completely far from whole,
just another chapter in your storybook"Such a sad ending, but beautiful all the same. Maybe you're not whole, but you DEFINITELY DO NOT need a guy, EVER, to make up who you are. He can be a part of you, but definitely not enough to complete you.I don't know, that made sense in my head, but I love youuu and I'll be your other half instead!! ;] Hahaha <333
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Wow. I absolutely love the ending. I could feel it; I can relate for sure. =) Amazing, seriously. All of it was fantastic but the ending is what really gets me. <3 Good luck in the contest!
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