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Take Me Back

poppies
with their sawtooth
leaves scissoring at the
sky beckon me back into the
white light.

Author notes

I have never before written one of these. I did read the article first. I hope I did this right...

A contest entry

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
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Comments

  • piccola silver member
    January 28

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    beautiful discription of poppies. I look forward to our annual poppy festival each year. We haven't had a lot of rain thus far so I don't know what to expect. Always hopeful though.


  • Nicolette gold member
    November 18, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    You did very well for a first attempt - well done! The syllable count is perfect and you have some lovely images here, e.g. "sawtooth leaves scissoring" - nice touch of alliteration there too.

    My only suggestion would be to try not to end lines with filler words, e.g. "the" but you've done well. Thank you for this entry. Hope you write many more cinquains!

    ~ Nicolette


  • sunoir
    November 18, 2008

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    May or may not have been what you meant but the posting was so close to Remembrance Day. Reading this took me to fields of poppies where soldiers died and the white light of their grace in heaven. Any way its interpreted I really loved it.


  • Catie Sheeran gold member
    November 17, 2008

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    Lovely ... "sawtooth" "leaves scissoring" interesting words in this short piece that really works. I really do like "poppies with their sawtooth" good luck