there is no life
in living
in the shabby
stage
I feel trees
as I cross their slits
listen to the sun and moon conspiring against me
take the dagger
kill the man
I see cars
and rushing world
melting here freezing there
I see stars
shinny things
misted eyes
roughpalms
ugly foreheads
pursed lips;
hear footsteps
masticating my fears
like a horseman hunting for a head
singing
kill the man
kill the man
in living
in the shabby
stage
I feel trees
as I cross their slits
listen to the sun and moon conspiring against me
take the dagger
kill the man
I see cars
and rushing world
melting here freezing there
I see stars
shinny things
misted eyes
roughpalms
ugly foreheads
pursed lips;
hear footsteps
masticating my fears
like a horseman hunting for a head
singing
kill the man
kill the man
Author notes
prompt: ahmed, 31, watches a second-rate production of macbeth in a dilapidated playhouse, thinks about his static life, and resolves to die; shawnee, pennsylvania, 1992
A contest entry
- a little fun with characterisation by aeolia.
500 points, ended January 5, 12 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
you can comment. critique. leave behind whatever you will like to say,
Comments
1 - 16 of 16
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awesomeee =]


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O: this is brilliant! you are brilliant.
love the simplicity and the impact. wow!

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i usually hate statements like 'i see blah,' especially when repeated, but here, the repetition and passive noticing works really well. and fuck, your descriptions are awesome, like:
"I feel trees
as I cross their slits
listen to the sun and moon conspiring against me"
and the line about the horseman is great.
thank you so much for the entry. good work, hope 'twas fun!
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Youuu are smart.


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i am a little perplexed by the presence of this
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read the contest page deadman!
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excuse me.
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lol... look below now!
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prompt: ahmed, 31, watches a second-rate production of macbeth in a dilapidated playhouse, thinks about his static life, and resolves to die; shawnee, pennsylvania, 1992
have fun! -
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thanks
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for once i want to be there before you're expecting me (:
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hey this was unexpected... smile now!
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Waiting is the most boring thing a person can do. Don't you think? I mean GAH! Waiting sucks doesn't it? Like I'm just commenting random poems and I came across this because Im WAITING for it to be 6am. Jeeze. Waiting blows. Alot. Yeah sorry if you find this random comment weird. Im just bored.And I knwo how it feels to wait. Lol
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lol
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am excited!
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1 - 16 of 16







