xXx...I kissed a Butterfly...xXx

I kissed a butterfly today,
Not out of passion,
But because I'm not okay,
No love was expressed,
Only fears,
Cut up wrists,
And crimson tears,
Silver blade against soft flesh,
Blood rises,
Warm and fresh,
Salty teardrops fall so fast,
Mixing with ruby drops,
If only the happiness would last,
But for now only artificial,
Joy may one day grace me,
Until then this is official,
Broken angel,
A disgrace,
Left lonely and dying,
Heart made out of tattered lace,
Easily torn,
Then improperly fixed,
With a blade rusted and worn,
Met brutally with scarred wrists,
Dotted hate and beaded drops,
Leaking out,
Landing with sullen plops,
Emotions run high,
Until endorphins wear them out,
Leaving numbness,
No need to shout,
Now everything is better,
I feel okay,
Only scars as a reminder,
Of yet another tragic day,
Another butterfly has died,
Torn wings and lost hope,
It never flied,
Grounded to my wrist,
Never allowed to stray,
It was drawn with death amidst,
Knowing soon I would let it die,
I kept it with me,
I wanted not for it to fly,
Flight is treatment,
For my addiction,
Which is defeatment,
With it I have hope,
A way to stay alive,
A way to cope,
Letting it fly meant I had died,
For this addiction will never leave,
For death I have defied,
Finding a way to keep alive,
Learning to deal,
And how to survive...