I built a home
in the eternity of your mind
a place where we can
exchange heart-shaped cutouts
made from casual conversations
that meant too much
Coffee cups lined up
on cafe tables
but no one is sitting
across from you
to imprint lipstick marks
Even your shadow left you
long ago
Scratch the surface
with our bare hands
feel this longing understood
like a car crash
And in the moments
when we're lying on our deathbeds
we will realize
we've been buried alive
Author notes
I'm not entirely happy with this poem, and so I am currently reworking the body to convey the message that I want. Any comments or suggestions are appreciated.
*PROMPT*
“A poem begins as a lump in the throat, a sense of wrong, a homesickness, a lovesickness. It finds the thought and the thought finds the words.”
- Robert Frost
This is my lump in the throat... the desire to connect with someone, and the realization that we are alone.
A contest entry
- Options - Pick your Poison! by Bean Sidhe.
1200 points, ended December 19, 2008, 17 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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The fleshing out of this poem is certainly bringing more detail and stronger imagery to the piece as a whole. This actually tempts me to peek into your page & check out some of your other work. Nicely done!
:- -
So, I really like the direction this prompt sent you in. I can only imagine there is quite a bit of personal experience drawn from but the way that you've strung your words together is quite nice. I was particularly drawn to the lines:
"exchange heart-shaped cutouts
made from casual conversations
that meant too much"
And the ending was perfect. Thank you for your entry & good luck -
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Thank you for your comment. I have added more to it, let me know what you think.
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