On sullied sands once Jesus tread;
With wearied feet and worried eyes-
But dentoid crags now rale'd his head...
For fathoms down 'neath the crowns-
A new Hell did arise;
T'was found atwixt the warring towns-
T'was not against the word of God;
The will of man had taken fold-
For man had taken to the Rod;
And with His words wars to behold,
And all compassion to be swept;
From below He heard our cries-
That tore at Jesus till He wept...
For He knew His words be lies-
Dw
Author notes
Gast Veihgan Du Maunkur
Obviously I'm taking things more serious this time around - the strong entries of this and the previous contests have forced to me put in much more thought. Noteworthy, no doubt to nobody in the world, that is be also my first poke at a sonnet/complex rhyming. Once again, not a single weak entry, masters of The Language and imagination abound, good luck to all!
Dw
A contest entry
- 3000 Points For Gold, Rewrite A Famous Historical Lie!!!! by Fenrir Rising.
3100 points, ended November 21, 2008, 13 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Any comments always welcome
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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omg
you suck jesus didnt lie how do you explain the jordan river the transfigureation the healing of ppl the healing of th dead you are a lie -
Oh wow, you know that was a twist at the end, wasn't what I was expecting, but that's good, the best poetry always makes you think and I like how you made this different from the regular average spiritual poem. This is good and made me think.
I liked this a lot.
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WOW, that was a huge twist at the end for me. I didnt see that coming. I thought you were going spiritual with it there for a second. Totally blew me away with that ending.
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Awesome write
Yes this one you've put more thought into, great stuff, You should do well here but there are others who have strong poems in this contest so it will be hard to judge as the "judge" has stated. Anyway I still wish you luck here and keep writing and striving for your best.
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For a first shot at rhyming you did great and just like all the entries you brought out emotion imaging and emotion, so great.
The feelings i get from this are undescribable, i mean there is no way to get across the sensation this gives me, it's like watching my favorite horror movie, talking to my girlfriend, eating beef stirfry (Mmmm), and drinking a nice frosty Guiness all at once. Amazing right, deffinatley worth being in the finalists
This right here is one more reason this contest is going to be a painstaking son of a bitch to judge, everything is so good
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