Beautiful baby girl
Why do you cry?
You do realize
We all have to die?
Some from ourselves
Some by another
Some from our fathers
Some by our mothers
You can chip at you mask
But it’s just a fact
People won’t see you
Through the forlorn crack
The tears you shed
Won’t reach our eyes
In the world we live
We care not if you die
Only ourselves
And our selfish ways
Not caring that someone
Is dying by the day
You call it dystrophic
But it’s great to us
And we stand here wondering
Why you make such a fuss
We can sit there and watch
As you bleed to death
And then start laughing
As you take your last breath
It feels us with glee
Our condescending pride
Our fucking snarky attitude
That we can’t seem to hide
We’re bothersome and pesky
And you can certainly bet
Everyone hates us
But we just don’t get it
Their banshee cries
Are the sign of their hate
But we still don’t hear them
Because we just can’t relate
We don’t hear their cries
After the beatings we give
We just leave them bloody
And continue to live
~Kay~
Author notes
lol you totally ignore the last two lines they were just an after thought.
I actually wrote this while thinking of my new friend on AP and yes you know who you are.
#3
Pain or Agony it can be both i guess.
A contest entry
- And Then There Were None... by Memoirs of a Girl.
700 points, ended December 16, 2008, 13 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Euphoric, Dark, Deep, Spacious, Epic by Plastic Dreams.
650 points, ended December 20, 2008, 24 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Seeping Tears, bleeding Fears by fairytalelovestory.
975 points, ended March 19, 46 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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thank you for entering such a sad and lonely piece good luck
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I like this piece. I think that the rhyme is kind of... restrictive, however. It seems kind of weak and it detracts from the poem. Also, I think the piece would've been a little more powerful if you had truly written from this "other"s point of view--rather than having the borderline sarcastic attitude and being so critical, I think it could've packed a serious punch if you had written it completely seriously. Thanks for entering.
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We can sit there and watch
As you bleed to death
And then start laughing
As you take your last breath
gruesome line. like it.
this entire piece was definitely among the more demonic of which i have read. you have a good way with words and i thoroughly enjoyed this piece. hope to read more from you. -
"People won’t see you
Through the forlorn crack" I adore this line...it reminds me of leonard cohen's 'there is a crack in everything, that is how the light gets in." I think this communicates the attitudes of those who can't relate and don't even try. But there I think it can be said that those who give the beatings do hear the cries, only they hear their own.
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This poem really speaks the truth about the world. It's very refreshing to read something that isn't all hearts and flowers and sugarcoating everything. I normally can't stand rhyme, because it takes a a good poet and a great poem to really pull it off, but you did it fantastically. The flow is just right, and consistent throughout the poem.
One piece of constructive criticism, though. It dragged on a little too much. I felt like the length was unnecessary. I thought that the lines "We just leave them bloody and continue to live" would have made the perfect ending to the poem, it really seems to sum it all up, like the thesis statement or something.
That's just my two cents.
Thank you for entering!
~Memoirs
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Kay,
I can't even tell you how awesome this is, it has my emotions spilled upon a page so easily and fluently and BRILLIANTLY
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