Never noticed you, you were never suppose to notice me
stumbling on foreign land with your native custums
like a fool waving your arms around
Making eachother feel stupid, yet still
there was a pull
Fire and Ice
Summing up smoky steam, we were everywhere
So much the same but so completely different
Falling into your mind like I was meant to be there
grasping everything as if it were mine, yet I dont understand you
You were me but we were opposites
attracting like our own magnetic force
Yet our worlds were in different dimensions
Two Norths repelling,never to come together
Still, I crossed over into yours, a lollipop in a dentist's office
Being pushed and pulled at once
Untill I thought I may collapse into myself
Somewhere in the strain you managed to snag my heart, and I yours
Somehow letting all but a piece escape my clenched fists,
as it was being pushed and pulled as well
My heart only tore from the loss, but you held all the pieces
The happily empty space within my chest constricting at the fear you'll put those pieces back
In love and broken hearted
Straining and caving in
So right that its wrong
We're so wrong but its right
I love you but I hate it and it hurts
But its the best kind of hurt there is.
A contest entry
- Round 1 - Auditions.. 2 entries and PWs by T.o.r.t.u.r.e..
1400 points, ended September 22, 81 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
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Wow, beautiful and real! I love this line..My heart only tore from the loss, but you held all the pieces. The impact shines through in this write. Well done.
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Wow...ok, you have a new fan. I love your work. This is just awesome.
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Line two 'customs'.
Line four 'each other'.
You have told me just about everything in the piece leaving out the imagery.
I can appreciate the sentiment but places become quite wordy and could be pared down greatly.
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this is really good and touching. :]]
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This poem is so entrancing. I can really relate to it. :]
"Fire and Ice
Summing up smoky steam, we were everywhere"
This part really struck me. It's really my favourite part of the poem. Truly brilliant.
"Being pushed and pulled at once
Untill I thought I may collapse into myself"
Beautiful. I know exactly what you mean. That feeling where you're cold but hot and you're so depressed that your rib cage feels like it's going to puncture your heart. I've felt this type of emotional agony and it sucks until:
"Somewhere in the strain you managed to snag my heart, and I yours"
All the pain seems to dissipate in the arms of Love. :] A great poem. Thanks for entering.
Peace
-Lily♥ -
whoot
awesomeness
love it.
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I love the lollipop line. Funny but totally true too. The last part is really great as well, from my heart only tore... to the end. The whole thing is good, but the last part really speaks to me. Very well put. Good luck in the contest!
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:)
Now that it is finished, I absolutely, totally&utterly ADORE this poem!
You've really got some talent, and you're not afraid to show it off!
Good luck
<3<3<3 -
WOW this is an amazing peice of writing.
I think the last three stanzas were the best part of this , they really show-off what you are capable of, as a writer.
awesome work here Jennie!
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To say this is unfinished this has a lot of potential
Finish it so i can comment further?
xxx
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