i stood by the oleander bush and told you stories about angels,
about the moon and how i thought it was the swollen belly of a goddess,
filled with blood and a deformed fetus
dying, because beauty like that could not exist.
You ripped my dress and pushed me onto the damp soil,
calling me a liar and a witch--
you kicked my shins and pulled my hair
I stayed like that, with my legs bent like a broken china doll.
I remember when id go to clubs with red lipstick and painted eyes and pinched cheeks, i wanted those strange men to call me their baby doll and smile, i wanted their eyes to be blue and shiny so that when i looked at them i could see into their souls, i realized they were like me, sad.
and together we'd glance at the sky like it was damaged,
like we were searching for dying stars and exploding rocket ships.
Id make potions out of crushed rose petals and yellow berries and sing songs about lovers who held onto eachother and wept because they were too happy and they had nothing left to do but feel guilty for it, because they were in love while people were starving and dying and cutting their wrists and throwing up in empty bathrooms, alone.
they'd pray on the sun and stars and wish on pennies sinking into fountains decorated with statues of creatures that they could only dream about. They would wake up hot and sweaty, open their windows and just
hold eachother and cry.
I'd catch their tears and put them in glass vases because there were too many to just let them go to waste. I grew lilies in them, they grew and grew and looked like the wings of butterflies, ripped off and discarded on the side of the road. They were odd colors, bizzare. I couldnt find them on the rainbow no matter how hard I looked. and I looked. You covered my eyes with sweaty palms and wrapped me in 100% cotton blankets. When i was cold you let me wear your fake leather jacket, fake because you couldnt stand the thought of wearing the skin of something that had died.
Afterwards, you'd inch away and tell me that love was like a storm. That it was loud and violent, that it was beautiful, but when it was over it left you cold and wet, sick and broken.
Then you dissapeared,
i think that it hurt worse then you breaking my heart because I still remember how you would look at me like you wanted me to see you and say my name like you wanted me to hear you, i did.
and maybe thats why it would never work, because you expected me not to.
So i kept looking because i knew that one day id find him. a boy who'd sit with me under that stars after it rained, when the sky was clear and we could search for constillations. I'd tell him my stories about the moon.
He'd say that Luna was her name and that she was in love with the sun. She was ice and he was fire and they could never be together. The closer she got, the more she'd melt, the more she'd cry and when she finnally got too close, she'd die, nothing left after being melted away into halfs and cresents.
but, she would be reborn from her tears and she'd be whole, full. and thats when men started fires and lovers went went wild. Then she'd start again, fallowing the sun and melting and dying because she was in love and that's all she knew and that's all she wanted.
and i knew exactly what she felt like.
because
thats
all i
wanted.
Author notes
I just read "Girl Goddess #9"
it kinda inspired this. I got the words
goddess and oleander from it.
11:04, I'm watching house and thinking about death.
This is going to be constantly edited.
So check back, give criticism,ect.
A contest entry
- undeniable. by broken-colours.
700 points, ended December 1, 2008, 9 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
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this is my favorite. i read it alot, i even quote you.
i love you brandylynn. -
you told me not to read your poetry.
so i didn't.
but i liked it.
because it's yours.
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/speachless.
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I had a feeling this piece was inspired by FBL. I'm not a fan of her, I used to be but I can't stand how her books are too sugar coated and the characters are always beautiful creatures, it drives me insane.
To me, this piece felt less personal than the last one which was like reading someone's diary. It reminded me too much of the book and the characters.
Don't get me wrong, I think your language is stunning and oozing with so much beauty that it's both blaring and blinding and there was such an aching sorrow to the words and imagery and I could feel my chest collapsing, but I feel like it's missing something that makes it you.
This is really gorgeous and haunting because it lingers in my mind still and I can feel it in my veins and I know I'm just rambling so I'll end my comment here.
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i realized they were like me, sad.
and together we'd glance at the sky like it was damaged,
like we were searching for dying stars and exploding rocket ships
I read this before we talked at all, and it was clearly amazing, under a country sky you can't deny the moon is bright can you?
but now that i know you a bit more it's differant, but still just as brilliant, if not more.
So i kept looking because i knew that one day id find him. a boy who'd sit with me under that stars after it rained, when the sky was clear and we could search for constillations. I'd tell him my stories about the moon.
you're a beautiful girl, even if i was blind. -
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its funny how you write things
and they
kinda sorta
come true.
in a metiphorical way, of course.
you're beautiful. -
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even if I was a sober jesus, i probably still kiss you if i saw you.
but it's nice knowin there's great people alive though. i was worried i was alone in all this.. -
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and even though
im already broken.
i think id let you.
me too, you have no idea.
thanks for being alive.
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one of the best things I've read in awhile.
intense beauty,
like dying in the arms of someone you love,
watching a waterfall at sunset.
or something.
anyway, fuckin loved it.
you're amazing.
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My absolute favourite stanza is the last one, but all of it is sheer beauty. It is a bit rough around the edges, but at the moment there's nothing that sticks out enough for me to suggest that you change it.
Thanks very much for entering my contest!
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oh wow so vivid. i love the line about the deformed fetus lol this is great. i wish i could come up with something this great. <3
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kinda cool actually..
a couple whose actually understanding, and serious. and actually live life together isntead of ruining each others lives.
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