You clenched small plastic rings
between your fingers twirling them
between your sweaty palms
as you looked through your heart
for the courage to say
'It was all a game baby'
Your disguise was expertly crafted
or maybe, I was just a fool
After years of groping in the darkness
your light played with my eyes
erasing the lines off your worried face
and conceiling the smirk in your smile
Too be honest, I expected you to panic
too throw your hands around my hips
as you pleaded for me to give you your mask back
so you wouldn't feel so naked, so exposed,
like me.
But you only stared through me
tilting your head
to change the glare on the doorknob
as you drummed your fingers against the table
in a dill-drum pattern drained of any music
a cue to keep marching.
For you never were a liar
I was just gullible
buying your silence as fatigue
when you stumbled past me
eyes connected to the green floor tiles
as if you were counting them
or seconds.
I somehow even find it in me
to admire you
how you could be so unbeatably clever
at this unreadable game
you never had to bluff,
one flash of your pokerface
and I folded.
You were just so graceful
as if you had it all planned out
and I never had a clue.
Author notes
Taking Back Sunday x Panic At The Disco
-Liar
-Clever
-Panic
-Exposed
-Disguise[d]
-Green
A contest entry
- Do You Have What It Takes ? by just weak hands.
800 points, ended December 12, 2008, 19 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
criticm welcome.
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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"Your disguise was expertly crafted
or maybe, I was just a fool"
I know the feeling - it's always so hard to tell.
I try to convince myself that it was their disguise and not me
"I was just gullible
buying your silence as fatigue
when you stumbled past me
eyes connected to the green floor tiles
as if you were counting them
or seconds."
Such beautiful imagery
Well done and good luck in the contest
Shelly
x
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a great poem sis, nothing i wouldnt exxpect, your writing always has such a depth to it that i admire !
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You write the most brillaintest poems Your use of imagery and words is always brilliant, I'm a fan of all your poems, this is especially good
Keeping producing these testaments to your brillaince, it would be a shame to depricve AP of them
-
-Your disguise was expertly crafted
or maybe, I was just a fool
After years of groping in the darkness
your light played with my eyes
erasing the lines off your worries face
and conceiling the smirk in your smile
...
WOW. That left me breathless. I was staring at that stanza for what seemed the longest time. hahah. Beautiful ! I love the "or maybe, I was just a fool." Hah! Brilliant. I can relate to those lines so well, it's scary.
-I somehow even find it in me
to admire you
how you could be so unbeatably clever
at this unreadable game
you never had to bluff,
one flash of your pokerface
and I folded.
...
Afawkingmazinggg. Especially the last two lines. Metaphors=LOVE. & you use them well, my dear
Keep it up & good luck in that contest♥
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"But you only stared through me
tilting your head
to change the glare on the doorknob
as you drummed your fingers against the table
in a dill-drum pattern drained of any music
a cue to keep marching."
This was pretty awesome, I have to say. Above was my favourite stanza. The stanza after it was amazing as well. Much of this poem is rather simply stated. I'm a person drenched in the abstract, so if it was me I might try to add in more metaphors and strange imagery, but that's just my opinion. The way you've written it is lovely, and the ending is powerful. Great job.
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Holy crap ! [Pardon me ;]] But this was just... simply put, amazing !!! The vocabulary was great, and I just love it ! I can't describe my love for it :]
The imagery was clear and descriptive. I love how you used the wordbank :] The words seemed like they were made for this poem ! The title was also very interesting. I'm amazed that you're 15... I mean, I'm 14 and I'm no where near that level ! I ADORE the last stanza !! Killer way to end your amazing piece :]
I could probably go on, but I'd take up the page xD Wonderful, wonderful write ! Probably expect a trophy
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