I was just with you on Friday night but now it’s Wednesday, and apparently life can change without asking permission because I’m sitting on a chair next to your hospital bed, watching you struggle to breathe. I can’t imagine what you’re going through but I hope you know that it’s killing me to see you like this. It’s killing me to see you suffer.
“After we crashed, the only thing I could think about was you.”
I felt my heart start burning alive with an excruciating ache.
It was with those words that I knew for sure you were still mine.
But I’ll be brave and get you to smile and take you away from the craziness inside your head where you are slowly slamming yourself into a concrete wall of guilt over and over again. I cried earlier and I’ll cry later, but for right now I’ll just take care of you.
Later when I say “I’m going to bed” it’s only a joke because what I’m really going to do is bury myself beneath the blankets and cry until my throat starts to bleed. I’ll scream at the picture of me and you on my wall from Homecoming and ask you why you decided to speed that night. There’s a speed limit for a reason. You could have died. But no, it isn’t your fault, you’re only a child, but you have to grow up sometime. I just wish it didn’t have to be because of the accident…
I don’t think you even know but every night I send a prayer of thanks to the heavens that you’re still with me. I lose myself in your hoodie and I cup my hands together to blow a goodnight kiss your way along with the sweetest dreams, a tender hug, and even the stars. For the past few nights, however, I can’t seem to find my pencil to draw the moon in the sky and the switch for the stars is out of order. My heartbeat has burst from the pressure of missing you and I’m afraid to close my eyes for even a second, afraid that I’ll lose you in my sleep. You’re not the only one who has nightmares.
So we sit here, shivering in the dejected atmosphere only a hospital can bring. You choke on your tongue and I rip my hands apart and I swear sometimes I just can’t unravel myself fast enough.
You: “How are you doing?”
Me: “Don’t ask me that.”
You: “You’re fine.”
Me: “That’s because you only see me when I’m in here.”
What I really wanted to tell him was:
“You know how much I love you, right? That’s how much I’m hurting.”
Your lips lightly brush my fingertips and I press myself into the seat as I try not to grab your body and scratch off all the bruises and cuts and push them into me so I can feel your pain instead. I would do absolutely anything to take away your pain. It’s still killing me to see you suffer. I wish a single kiss could cure these wounds. I just realized how I wish for a lot of things. I wish I knew the right thing to wish for right now.
I hope this taught you some sort of twisted lesson. Maybe next time you’ll think. Maybe next time you’ll remember what this felt like and stop.
In the end, we are so much stronger than we ever thought possible. I’ll still be engraving these emotions across the lines of my notebook because nobody else understands this time. I forced my negativity and anger into envelopes made of wax paper and sealed them tightly before throwing them out of my ears. My hand still fits perfectly in yours and we can still kiss with chapped lips and our hearts never stopped beating as one. Time might be ahead of us or against us, I don’t know, but we can only walk forward from here.
Author notes
Notes for contest: Hey, I'm sorry if this isn't what you were looking for, but I hope you like it anyway! Option 4: make me cry<3
This isn't a poem at all, really, but I definitely needed to let this all out in some way and of course it's obviously about the accident...thanks again to everybody who is praying for the five juniors and their friends & families. Your support means everything to us<3
A contest entry
- And Then There Were None... by Memoirs of a Girl.
700 points, ended December 16, 2008, 13 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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This is beautiful, and its comforting to know that that type of love still exists. that you stay with the person no matter what and dont give up and walk away when it gets too hard, or too stressful. I'm sorry about the accident.
great poem
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Wow! This is so sad, but so very beautifully written. This really pulled at my heart strings. I love the way you wrote this, and filled it with such strong emotions. If this is personal for you, I am sorry and I wish you all the best. Blessings, Patty
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Even though this isn't really a poem, it still has a poetic feel to it. It has all of the emotions that a poem should have.
This write is so beautiful. It makes my heart ache, and I can say that you definitely made me cry. Even without the tragedy of this piece, the writing is magnificent.
This is a great write, and thanks for entering!
~Memoirs
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I'm bookmarking this. This is amazing. I may only think so because of my own situation and obstacles, but no matter who you are, or what your life is like this piece MUST speak to you. If it doesn't then you are a cold, emotionless, poor, poor bastard. I can't explain how much I loved the write. About the only thing I can say or do to convince you is to read the rest of your stuff. Great job on this. I love it intensely.
Tod.
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This is beautiful, and it is a little poetic. Great job, this was really sad. Hope shone through at the end, and that's what really got me. The hope and the indescribable gratitude. *hugs*
[this makes me want to cry]
xo
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This made me cry. And I only say that because there isn't anything else to say. I love this, and hope that it only moves forward from here.
Keep your chin up.
Swim.x
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I love you.
& you're amazing, and I'm sooo glad everything is okay
I know it's hard for you, but you have so much support and everyone that loves you and even people that barely know you are here for you and him and everyone else, and it's incredibleee♥ The world may be going to shit, but at least there are still some good people out there =) Anyways, I love how you wrote this. You used such vivid metaphors to express your emotions, and when I read this earlier, I was blown awayyy.
-Everything will be okay in the end.
If it's not okay,
then it's not the end.
<3333
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