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~The Last Legal Drug~

‘et je l'ai regardée expirer tant de fois’

and I watched her expire so many times
when bound by phantoms
at realities edge
take not a shallow breath
but inhale each others
tangled prayers

melded bodies, melted minds
where a heartbeat crashes
to drum upon heavens door
and anarchy reigns
with expunged cries

in loss is found escape
when reality slips
and space between time
feels like death


Author notes

la petite mort - "The Little Death" often associated with orgasm, specifically the female orgasm, (I knew what it meant)

Title - 'borrowed' from Korn - "Last Legal Drug (La Petite Mort)" - http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=EPzjHpJxyyQ

A contest entry

Honest Critique Requested

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
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Comments


  • Death of the Author
    November 16, 2008

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    I like your use of the title, I know it was already a song, but I think it's cool :

    bound my phantoms
    at realities edge - nice

    and the lines after that are super

    melded/melted - yummy

    where a heartbeat crashes confines - uhm...I think remove confines...it just sort of jars the flow to me.

    when two become one - eww, so out of place with the rest of your wonderful poem. Come up with something more original! (Pretty please ^-^)

  • Yvette Champ gold member
    November 13, 2008

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    Extraordinary title...not sure about the addition of the line in french nor the phrase bound by phantoms...that's not constructive criticism just my meandering within the freedom to be able to say that without you feeling wounded...I know you like making these thoughts into small paper balls to throw into the basket lol...liked the reference to tangled prayers...for sure it's when two are praying the same thing...loved in loss is found escape...its the only time loss allows us that...and the space between time feels like death..ahhh..the french and their petite mort...what is french for cosmic collision...I cannot recall...am rambling but am reminded of Ghandi saying that to him sleep was like death, every night he died and was reborn each time he awoke... a lighter write than usual...I like it...