Random passageways emerged
from between fenced gardens,
onto a boulevard divided
where laced winter bore willow.
The cold overcoat of a man glanced up;
my brogans were the first to mark him -
to hear the snap.
.
A contest entry
- first frost by AJ Morelli.
2700 points, ended December 7, 2008, 28 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 45 of 45
-
I feel bad - as though I stole your more-than-deserved laudings and yah.
Sowwwy 
-
i really like this a lot, not sure about the form, this is so strong a piece it might benefit from punctuation so you don't have to depend so heavily on line breaks as commas... i'd like to see you play around with this because it is so good
all that said, this is one of the stronger pieces in the contest and a contender for sure
thanks
al
-
-
ok final edit done.. no more touching for me till after it's over.
-
Al,
I tried... I am so horrible with the english form of structure - I think it is my fear that keeps me from every using it.
I hope this is better- and if not please help me with what you meant after your judging is finished.
I would appreciate that lots.
-
-
i can imagine whatthe poet expresses here, more intresting to me are various thoughts i ponder relative to myself...excellent write
mal
-
I really like this piece...I love the last line. so powerful
good luck
-
Re-Reading
This is real life-death. Just wonderful writing.
Joe -
had to read it over to really get the full understanding (im slow) but once i did i went wow. i like your take on it all, well done.
-
That Was Different
Oh yes interesting poem. Winter seems like the dark time in life so death would make sense. Best wishes in the contest
Kelle Marie
-
this is kind of weird to me but that is what i like about is, makes it refreshing, keep it flowing and good luck in the contest
-
that snap resonates...sends chills. Great penning Heidi
-
crunchy goodness of a poem. -s
-
-
thank you
kindfish
-
-
you capture this moment brilliantly. its a really eerie time of year really, with things confirming death and so on. but yet so beautiful....
-
-
i love that you went to confirming death
just love it.
thank you for taking the time
-
-
These insights into life and a job are sometimes chilling but nevertheless they are real slices and for that I enjoy them, no matter how macabre they appear to be C
-
-
thanks...
yeah i wish i could write all flowery stuff and love...
but i guess being retired now, this is the healing process...
it just falls out.
i set out to write something lovely about the first frost...
i really tried lol
-
-
I wear Danners myself and they're size twelve, which makes it a little hard to be stealthy sometimes. Fascinating write Heidi, a fine penning indeed.
mj.
-
-
it was so great to finally be off probation years ago and wear comfy shoes...
what a difference.
thanks MJ - I knew you would appreciate it.
-
-
oh my gosh. this is such an audible snap . fab write.
-
-
it reminded me- that sound of his snap
of crunching on newly frosted grass
that hard crunchy kind...
thank you for taking the time
-
-
... this is really good.
-
I love the word snap when used properly. This is good stuff.
-
-
hey
thanks for taking the time
-
-
love this...love the cold overcoat line, too..& the sound of the snap.
-
-
Thanks tara
-
-
"the cold overcoat of a man glanced up" - that line is enough to make this a great poem - loved it.
~ Nicolette
-
-
thank you!
-
-
This is really a great contest to read. This is another wee poem that I read and re-read. I'm not any good at real short poems, and this is like a clinic in it. Great text and sub-text. Well done.
-
-
i love your reference to clinic
thank you Rob for taking the time
-
-
The cold winter snap reverberates loudly in the still of cold..
I love the random passages beginning...an airy kind of feel.
very well done Heidi
♥Becky♥
-
-
Thanks Becky
-
-
Ouch,
You know what Heidi...
i know what it feels like to be on the recieving end
Good old memories hey, lol
Good luck in the contest
Ken
P.s Good to know you're doin better
-
-
LOL yeah i am sure you do know that feeling
thanks Ken
-
-
-
-
thank you suzie for your thoughts
-
-
the ending was such a shock to the sensibilites juxtaposed against the quiet beauty of the first stanza..yikes. that snap reverberated! ouch, indeed!
-
-
thank you for the comment
-
-
Ouch!
-
-
lol
work was always interesting
-
-
great
I typed a really great comment , just to loose it twice. So here use this one.
Awesome write.
Joe
-
-
LOL i hate it when that happens
thanks Joe
-
-
i love the snap here...
snapping is such a great frosty sound... things freeze and they snap..
branches, legs, backs...lol... this write is absolutely spot on
you paint it
give it action
and just the right snap at the end.
wonderful
m
-
-
thank you Mary for all the insight and thoughts!
-
Adding your comment:
1 - 45 of 45
