I don't understand this feeling,
deep down inside of me,
i don't wanna live a life,
without any honesty,
I know i can not trust you,
yet i try so hard,
i know i can not bank your love,
and buy a brand new car.
What i want more than anything,
is just for love to come,
i'm sorry i don't love you,
how could i be so dumb.
Not to know my love still,
belonged to someone from when i was young?
He didn't let me have it back,
kept it to himself,
he broke my heart several pieces,
and ripped my life apart.
I think right now about all of,
the lovers i have lost,
thank you honey,
for the gift of everlasting LONELINESS.
Author notes
Sorry, I know it's not very good. It's just what i feel.
A contest entry
- Give Me Emotion by DemonicChanel420.
500 points, ended November 24, 2008, 16 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Tell me what you think?
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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very personal, and of deep thought. so many feelings unleashed. a very passionate write...my favourite kind. keep the good stuff coming! Serenity to you.
ocean
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OK ... be confident
I think you should not feel that our work is good. It is OK and it is honest and the fact that you were able to impart your feelings simply and without poetric tricks shows that you write from the heart .......... and that is the best way. So, keep on writing as you learn to develop your talents and just let your own style develop . Ther will always be those that don't like your work yet others will and then just forget thise who pick fault but cant offer solutions . plenty of them ...........
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Great stuff!!!
Deep & emotionally raw with a stunning narrative & interesting rhyme scheme...
Keep up the good work & good luck in the contest...
Well done!!!
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This is a very good write, the emotion is really strong, which is the whole of the contest. The flow was really good up untill the third stanza, but it's still a very powerful poem. Good luck in the contest!
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bit confused about the bit about the car but that could just be me lol. other then that an amazing poem. i recon u have a very good chance of winning the contest. gd luck x
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It's saying that love isn't somthing, thats always gauranteed, like she's not 100% sure that she has his love.
Thank you for the lovely comment. It means a lot <3
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