If the moon could pour out wines
how much would I drink
Through treasure hunts,
I found a jewel;
your heart the most sacred,
within my poverty,
shines like a diamond.
Truthfully; this is folly
but the most sincere;
your beauty is ethereal,
yes out of the ordinary.
As I candidly express my feelings;
I must admit that you're every man's dream,
they will pursuie you endlessly
and even bribe you with material things
but I can't tell you a lie if it'll make you cry...
I come to you stumbling,
quite tired and fatigued,
unlike an old man at a buffet line
I do not desire food, I seek your heart...
As much as I crave you,
and wish you were here with me now...
you must follow your heart
and listen to your own voice inside.
Sometimes, I stand alone,
gazing at the unkown,
asking a thousand of questions,
do you love me? will you accept me?
and so many more... but somehow,
I wish I had the power to see through you,
and again, that would be me
trying to push the river
when it should flow on its own.
I never doubt you nor do get afraid
to stretch out my heart when it comes to you.
But at the end end of the day,
when I realize you are not near me,
I get scared, scared of life maybe.
Was I born to be all alone?
I am so ruled by fears, it's a shame.
Many times, I try to forge happiness
where sadness is, and again, it is just me
trying to create a little pocket of courage.
My dear, will you let me drift to sleep?
My tears run out of expressions;
Yet, I try to be strong
I seek the fertility of us
and not our sterility.
But if I'm to stress you out
and make life miserable for you;
I wish to vanish like vapors...
And even in time as sad as this;
may your heart fluorish and blossom.
May you always find irrepressible joy
and inevitable happiness...
P.s I love you....
Author notes
Mackintoch
Let my heart beat with yours
A contest entry
- I shouldn't love you; But I want to. by splinteroflight..
550 points, ended November 14, 2008, 20 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Give me your Best Poem Ever! by PianoMan.
1000 points, ended November 28, 2008, 21 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Waiting for your loved one... by Invisible 2 you.
550 points, ended November 30, 2008, 10 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Give me anything! by ASmileForYou.
560 points, ended December 16, 2008, 138 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - If I Can't Have You. by Poetryintheblood.
575 points, ended December 10, 2008, 14 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - An EASY Pre-Write Contest, For Once. by AboveApathy.
700 points, ended December 16, 2008, 14 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Romantic Pre-Writes by poets whisper.
700 points, ended December 13, 2008, 39 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 31 of 31
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This is so sad yet beautiful! Thanks for entering!
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I found this to be very heart-felt and passionate. I can relate immensely. I just wish there would have been more imagery. Something like this is not easy to go through, so I can understand, but it feels like more of a letter or journal entry. Still, this was sad and romantic. Thanks for entering.
Jeanette*~ -
Lovely. I think you mean 'pursue' and you spelled it pursuit ..
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Wow is right, its as if you've looked straight through me with this write, it's always comforting to know others can relate to how I also feel, thank you for your profound entry, Josie
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Wow, this got to me, such a sweet lovely poem by a man to his loved one. An authentic voice and very moving and honest. Love it. I find myself drawn into this world, I want to know how things are going to work out in the future...
The sign of a great write.
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Fatiqued should be fatigued.
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tres bien, an amazing write
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A lovely write, everyone has said all there is to say. Very well done.
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heartfelt
beautiful and sincere, from the heart, I admire the honesty of being vulnerable with your emotions and having the courage to admit it...
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i like this one. its very soothing actually.
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This was well written. I would say it was well thought out but its seems with out effort. it cascaded nicelly with beautiful thoughts. the sun pouring wines was clever. it works well because its a romantic love poem or it sounds like your symbolizing the sun for you. your drunk with love and it pours out.
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This is a wonderful poem. It is very difficult for a person whos loves someone who doesn't have the same feelings anymore. I hope if you are currently experiencing this that you manage to get through this difficult time quickly. Well done and thanks for entering my contest!
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this is very heart felt, and warming.
i'd hate to be the one to mentionthis, but you have a few typos and spelling and grammar mistakes here and there, you might want to recheck it, and fix them, because they are kind of annoying. (Ex. fatiqued should be fatigued)
in all cases, this was a wonderful write, you put so much emotions into it, and while i cannot say i've been through the same, i certainly felt your pain, your longing, and your conflict.
well written my friend! thanks for sharing this...
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A very touching love poem, full of the passion and insecurity that often accompanies love when the two are not yet fully committed. You write very well, but could use someone to give you feedback for grammatical mistakes (i.e., "pursuit" when you mean "pursue"). Otherwise a great read!
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A true love poem
Great write. I love how you put your heart on your sleeve. Oh how bittersweet love can be. You captured a unique part of it. (side note did you mean "if the moon could pour out wine?" or was "wines" intended?)
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Touching love poetry. Happy, doubtful and beautifully unselfish. "Unlike and old man" is unique, instead of comparing you accentuate the difference. Good read!
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Touching
Very expressive. I love the emotion. The metaphors really give me a good idea of what you mean.
Great write.
(:
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You wrote what you were feeling beautifully.Sometimes feelings are so complex that it is hard to get everything we are feeling down into words expressed for all to see,you made it look easy.Your words were well thought out and easy to understand and relate to.You should be proud of this.
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A truthful and true to heart write.
"unlike an old man at a buffet line
I do not desire food, I seek your heart..."
Very touching lines here. Love how you express here what only love can satisfy. Reminds me of the story where the son comes home from afar and
his mother places a meal before him but she herself does not eat. She is already
satisfied with the company of her son whom she loves and has missed.
"As much as I crave you,
and wish you were here with me now...
you must follow your heart
and listen to your own voice inside."
Here is most admirable. You seek your loves pleasure of your own. How wonderfully
humble and giving is such a heart.
Not to tempt pride, but
I have to say I experienced joy in the heart of this piece. Well done.
I wish you all the best,
~Mary O
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wow this is truly amazing! its an extremely powerful poem. i could feel emotion pouring from this.
i really enjoyed reading this, thank you for sharing!
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Yes, a very introspective lover's poem written half to the beloved and half to his inner self... most interesting and most intrigingly penned!!
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amazing! i adore the part about the old man at the buffet line... very creative! the last line brought it together and cinched it! great pen!
becca
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beautiful.. this piece is amazing. I love how you compared the old man to the food and your desire of the heart.
I come to you stumbling,
quite tired and fatiqued,
unlike an old man at a buffet line
I do not desire food, I seek your heart...
my favorite part. ♥
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I so enjoyed this! You share from your heart the insecurities of love and yet your desire for the others happiness above all else...well, that is just what love should be. Blessings! Pam
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May your heart flourish and blossom ,
May you always find irrepressible joy
and inevitable happiness"
Apologies for sending your own words back but they have such a serenity and soullfulness
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As much as I crave you,
and wish you were here with me now...
you must follow your heart
and listen to your own voice inside.
This has to be my favorite part of a wonderful poem! To be so selfless in love is the most difficult I think. Thank you for sharing !
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so sweet
whoa, what a sweet and heartfelt poem. . .these are the kinds of love poems I like.
my favorite parts:
you start it out so well for one. . .
-"I do not desire food I seek your heart. . ."
-"trying to push the river when it should flow on its own"
-"I am so ruled by fears it is a shame"
-"trying to create a little pocket of courage"
-"My dear will you let me drift to sleep?"
and of course that you wish for her happiness either way
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Your poem is so sad and full of emotion. I can remember some of these lines in other poems.
Just have courage stay strong and keep your head up. Everything in life happens for a purpose as the days go on I can see the purpose of things more and more. And then new mysteries unfold where I don't understand why things happen.
The love in your soul shines through in your poetry and I am sure touches more lives than you even know or imagine.
Keep your head up in all you do. Don't let negative thoughts consume things when lack of understanding;
I may have cried myself over you a few times where there was nothing I could do but reach over a wireless connection or wireless cell phone to have you touch me deeper and more profound than anyone has ever done in my entire life. I don't know who you wrote this poem for. It doesn't matter.
Know that I walk around every day with something from you I can't explain. Just didn't feel like writing it in an IM and just respond to the poem exactly as I feel.
I am grateful to have you as a friend and still strive and pray for you to be happy and as I have told you before it will come when you are ready.
Try to keep positive about all that happens in your life even if it seems bad. I went from having everything material to nothing and it was because God was molding me for a purpose. Now I am a stronger person and more compassionate.
Take Care Mack
Mary JO
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Lovely.....so romantic, full of yearning, pain, hope, love....has it all.
I especially liked,
'I come to you stumbling,
quite tired and fatiqued,
unlike an old man at a buffet line
I do not desire food, I seek your heart...'
Thank you for your entry
best wishes in the contest
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Most love poems are pretty insuffereably sentimental. That's why it relieves me to read poetry such as this piece, which remind me that not all love poetry is bad.
your beauty is ethereal,
yes out of the ordinary.
This is my favourite part- I like the spoken English part of it. Plus ethereal is a great word and connotes well the unreal attitude lovers have toward their partners.
Really great work and luck in contest!
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Love it :)
I love this poem so much, it's really incredible,
I especially love the bit when you compare love to a buffet,
As if you need this person just as much as you need the food, almost to stay alive.
The only thing I would consider revising is the grammer
[i.e, the use of '...']
However, this is a great poem, thanks for entering and good luck!
<3<3<3
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